How Do You All Do It?

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Posted by Dan ( on November 16, 2000 at 16:27:50:

Sorry to be so frequent in posts today,but I need an outlet, and at the moment, this place is kind of my touchstone for sanity. How Do You All Do It? How do you find the will to smile and carry on? I know that I don't have it bad by comparison to a lot of you, and Those of you who are chronic are all my heroes for being so GD strong. 2 today, one as a fun wakeup call, one midafternoon. banged my head hard enough 2 days ago to leave a mark and bruise, so I can't even do that anymore, for fear of drawing blood. I am so scared. I think I'm losing it. I sit there, rocking and crying, sounding like a full fledged lunatic, screaming at the top of my lungs for something to "Get out of my head", Challenging out loud "Come on Motherf**ker", Screaming for it to "Give Me My Life Back". I'm relatively sure my fraternity brothers are ready to take me to the loonybin, and I think I'm ready to commit myself.I am afraid to leave my room, afraid to drive, afraid to go to class, to take tests, to fill out law school applications, afraid to do anything except steel myself for my next brawl with the demon. But how do you fight something you can't see, that takes you while you're sleeping, for which there is no weapon, no defense? I am so scared of the pain, so afraid I'm losing my mind. I'm a fighter, always will be, but I'm so tired.
God Bless Every One of you for Listening, for Caring, for Surviving. My Prayers for all of you.

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