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Posted by Jack ( on January 03, 2001 at 19:29:44:

Two terrorist groups entered the US this morning – 6 am EST.

The first group, led by a man commonly referred to as Riccardo the Clusterhead landed in NY and proceeded to Rochester where they murdered Dave Greenly after hours of torture. The torture reportedly consisted of forcing Mr. Greenly to read every post that Gary G ever made to ch.com while having to listen to a recording of Mr. Greenly’s pathetic band.

The second group, led by a man simply called Simon, landed in LA and proceeded to Los Osos where they
Murdered Mr. Bob Pahlow. Mr. Pahlow was also tortured in the same manner as Mr. Greenly. It is reported
that Mr. Pahlow begged to be killed after the first few minutes.

The current whereabouts of these terrorists groups are unknown but it has been suggested by spokesmen for the FBI and the CIA that they are in the possession of theater nuclear weapons. The State Department has issued the following warning to Americans at home and abroad.

“If you or a family member are a cluster sufferer and/or a member of OUCH please go to your basement immediately and stay there until further notice. If you do not have a basement in your home go to a small room in the center of your house. The Federal Communication Commision (FCC) will provide reports over
the following bands - East of the Mississippi – 1100.2 West of the Mississippi – 1175.5
Those Americans outside the continental US are requested to go imediatley to the nearest embassy."

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