To clairfy.....

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Posted by Little Liberty ( on January 13, 2001 at 17:21:05:

I guess for the most part I would normally feel rather offended by the accusations made here about the "story" of Nathan. However considering the issues involved and after some consideration to your feelings and questions, I had to ask myself if I might not be asking the very same questions if I was on your end.

If your choose to believe this or not is of course entirely your own choice but I am very tired and rather stressed right now so bear with me as I try to answer some of the questions to the best of my ability. Unless I print each post off and go point by point I will likely miss a few points and anyone that feels the need to have further clarification may simply email me, but other than that I am a little too worn to make certain each point is addressed.

To begin, my husband tried the tea for the first time last year after reading a post by Flash on the board. We were directed to the board by Nathan whom my husband met at the Pain and Headache clinic on Avenue Road in Toronto. There were four of them in there and all four have kept in touch. As to the "knowing others" it is not only my husband that has this but his father and both our oldest sons as well. We have been involved with this horrible affliction for, myself since I married into the family 25 years ago and my husband since he was approximately 6 when his father developed them. I have read here that they don't run in families but we are certain they do. We live the evidence.

We could not afford nor find the shrooms until a dear soul (our angel) heard about our predicament through my husbands sister and acquired them for us from a relative that lives in BC. There the shroom of choice, most available is the Liberty Cap and that is what we got.

Yes he got immediate relief. Yes they worked wonderfully. Yes I thought at the time of posting our results, but having never participated in the forum, I felt, well to be honest as though I had been eavesdropping on you all and was not entirely comfortable with suddenly coming on and posting results like that out of the blue. Sorry if some of you can not grasp that, but it is the truth. We are very private people and to air any of this has been extremely difficult for me. I need to feel that it is a safe place to put personal hardships and information out in. I didn't until recently, or rather perhaps I didn't have the courage to be as open as all of you so obviously are.

Recently when Flash posted the link, I hit it and the first thing I read was about Doc Charlie's decision to help. This was NOT a forum that I had "eavesdropped" on, these were people that were new but knew the shroom growing method. I thought I would post, get myself known so that I could learn to grow them. Since my husbands success we have continued to purchase from this same source that forwarded to us my husbands first dosage. In doing this we have quietly spread the word here through friends at the PH Clinic, and others, that we have them available for those that are in need and cannot acquire them. We are now not able to (financially ) continue to do so for personal reasons (family obligations, re my mother in a nursing home due to a sever stroke)
So that is why I decided to make myself known at Drool Donkey to get information, discover who was 'safe and knowledgeable' enough (only in my opinion) so that I would feel comfortable giving my name, addy etc. to deal with them re spoors etc.

Hence my thanks to Flash, we could now, thanks to his link to drool donkey, continue to provide for people that need it. Hence my thanks to Doc, for showing me that it was possible to continue and, to me, it was a sign as well that it was right to continue.

I have mailed to Kentucky, another person that we knew form the clinic that moved there. I have mailed to North Bay, Alberta, Yugoslavia, and yesterday to Georgia to Cheryl whom you all know. If you need any confirmation that I am sincere in my quest to help you may confirm with her when her package arrives on wed. or there about.

Why did I wait until now to post. Think about yourselves folks. When do you feel the need to post the most? When your in crisis? When things look so bleak? When your at the end? And conversely when you achieve reemission? When you get some success? When you have news that NEEDS to be shared? That is what drove me to finally air my joy at first, that I could now thanks to the info. Continue to help, and then with my grief at the loss of a dear friend. I thought all of you would understand above anyone else.

As to Nathan's reluctance, well, how long has it taken for you all (those that have) "jump on the band wagon" did you do it easily? Did you leap without much thought, consideration of the ramifications, fear, trepidation? This man was torn due to many circumstances that I do not feel the need to air. I understand his reluctance and fear and desire to not lie to his wife because I know that whole story of the things that have gone on between the two of them and their personal relationship. I don't feel I need explain nor justify anything on Nathan's behalf. That only makes me feel that I am again dealing with his family. Nathan's choices where his own and I will leave him to rest in peace.

As to identifying him, that would have to come from me. The source would have to be identified inorder for the "behind the scene" reason for the suicide. It is only reported the he killed himself. The mess that would ensue would limit my ability to continue with any kind of cultivation and distribution. I am not willing to do that. That is my choice and I am at peace with that.

As to some kind of scam which seems to be the implication. I have refused to take payment from Cheryl for what I have sent and will continue to send until her husband finds relief. You may all confirm that with her. I have not accepted payment of any sort from anyone for anything.

When I contacted Doc Charlie he gave the indication that he wanted to know how much it would take for me to get back up and running. I have not had the opportunity to reply to all those emails but I will certainly make it clear that I need no money, I only require information and assistance in the cultivation end, and names of those he knows that need the tea but cannot swing it for whatever reason. He says he has 10, and I am sure would apprieciate the help in helping these souls out.

Yes I am a zealot now. Yes I am now a bit of a nut even. I make no apologize for any of that. Sometimes it take a good kick in the butt, heart and head to get people to speak up for what is right and what makes sense. Nathan, sadly was mine.

I don't know that I have missed any of your concerns but if I have then please post again, or email me directly. What I have done and what I have posted was out of compassion, anger at the situation, the loss and deep sorrow that I could do no more, that I had DONE no more.

Oh yes I do remember one other concern. The amount of drugs that Nate had taken. The only response to that is this. My husband is 6'5" 280lbs of muscle. As was Nate (the same build) They became best friends not only due to the meeting at the clinic and the CH's they had in common, I hardly think that alone would make a friendship, they became best friends because of the extraordinary amount of things they did have in common, kick boxing being only one.

My husband ( the night that he suffered the heart attack from the imetrix) had been in pain for 11 hours. He had taken all he could here including one shot of imetrix. We had been to the hospital and he had received an IV infusion of Demerol and gravol. (of course not telling the doctor what else he had taken because he knew that they would not give him anything else.) And no, I was not with him, my father had died that morning ( I do believe that stress brings them on As well because he was out of the cycle at the time this one hit) Our youngest daughter was with him at the hospital and was too confused and distraught by everything to know what he had or had not taken. When he came back after all that, he was still in agony. Our daughter said that the Doctor was even amazed that he was able to stand up never mind walk, because he had given him quite a large dose.

After two more hours here in agony, running around the house , chin ups, push ups, beating the bag in our garage, screaming and smashing his head into the pavement in the driveway, he came in and out of desperation took the second shot. It was then that he suffered the heart attack. Yes his own fault. Yes perhaps I should have been here monitoring him. NO I should not have left that up to our daughter. But YES he was able to do all that and I know that Nate was too. Any of you that can honestly tell me that you can lay down exhausted DURING one of these things has migraines NOT CH's.

As to why his wife did not hear the shot, that was one of the first questions WE asked. As to why she would allow him to be alone during that entire time with that many drugs in his system and in that much pain, WE asked that too. As to how she did not even wake up when he came in the house, unlocked the gun cabinet, unlocked the trigger lock, left the house again, That was one of the questions the police asked her. As to why this happened in the first place, we will forever ask that. But I can assure you it has happened.

Oh yes, the "rough night" was because Nate had called my husband earlier saying he was in the middle of a bad one. Much like you all post on here sometimes in the midst just looking for a hand of love and understanding. We had offered to go over, but he told us his wife would be upset. He would call if he needed us. We waited all night because he always called when it was over to reassure us. The call came in the morning from their neighbor whom we also know very well.

Now, if you all don't mind I will go back to my husband and support him. I thank all of you that wrote words of condolence and prayed. I thank all of you that took the time to write emails and I will get back to you when I am a little less on edge. I had come on here only intending on deriving some support from your posts as I have done for over two years. I sit in the dark, in peace and quiet and read some of the most heartfelt emotions and love that you can offer eachother and I never fail to gain strength from it. Unfortunately that is not the case tonight, but I do not fault any one that questioned. I understand and regardless of what you choose to believe, as soon as this agony has eased I will cultivate and provide for those that need. I do not want anything from anyone of you financially or physically.

Thank you,
Love and a prayer for peace,
Little Liberty

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