Hi Derek

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Posted by Flash ( on January 17, 2001 at 04:45:09:

In Reply to: Just returned...me and the headaches! posted by Derek on January 16, 2001 at 13:31:37:

What a lot of people forget (and I hope you guys read this too) is that the written word often fails to convey the tone in which something is meant.

I have the benefit of ariving at this post last, because I am in the UK and sleep through your evening. So it's easy fo me to see what's gone wrong.

Us regulars all know each others 'style' of writing pretty well. We often forget to go back and re-read things to see if there could be any ambiguity in how they are interpreted. Hubs original reply to Derek wasn'y meant to be taken the way it was. I know this because I know Hub. I recall about 3 years ago, Hub sending me a similar email - when I didn't know him AND my heckles wer already up. I also reacted badly.

Poor Derek here must have been overwhelmed!

I agree that there was some content in his original post that may also be interpreted in 2 different tones. I hope you stick around (while in cycle, because I don't blame you for not coming here the rest of the time) Derek so that we can get to know you better. A couple of years ago I too would have reacted to some of what you wrote. I actually agree with your thinking on the shrooms to some extent, and I do fret that theyare turning people off. However I believe that people visiting a forum like this, should come with an open mind, and simply not click on something that they think might offend them. But I knew where you were coming from, because I spent some time staring at your post. The tone was slightly ambigouous on both issues that people found contentous. But it wasn't any more ambigouous than Hubs reply - which I easily read the way it was intended (because I know him etc). I could go on.

I think there is an important lesson here for us regulars:

We really need to avoid becoming a clique, the small minded thing that I know most of us hate. You guys are among the most tolerant and open minded group I have encountered on the Internet. My posts (and swearing) simply would not be accepted most other places. I think we have to go back to the old style, of working a little harder to get to know people, before we disagree with them. I realise that I am just as guilty as the rest of you (more so) and I explained at he beginning of this rant that I had an advantage here of coming in last.

I'm not sure if I phrased this the right way - I'll try again.

There was little wrong with Derek's original post. We just don't know his style.
There was little wrong with Hubs reply.
Derek didn't know Hubs style so he took the reply the wrong way.
The rest of you didn't go all out to flame Derek, but lets face it you did just a teensy widdle bit didn't woo? :)

Maybe we are becoming so entrenched that we are forgetting slightly what it's like to meet someone new?


PS Don't think I'm a saint either - I still cringe when I think how badly I flamed Tracey. Sorry Tracey.

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