Desperately Seeking

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Posted by georgetta ( on April 13, 2001 at 14:53:54:

I found your site on Monday and have been reading the messages each day. I have copied Margi's cluster traits and have tried to read it but in my true desperation I was wondering if I could also get some impute from others. When I say desperate, I could not truly mean it anymore, which I am sure from reading here, that I am not alone. I am truly at deaths door and I am at the point to where I am no longer scared or ashamed. I have had so many MRI’s, MRA’s, MRV’s; scans that my current & new neurologist says are showing nothing. This past weekend we did some kind of 3-day 9 treatment DSH injections, which was a pure waste of time. I have read about the cluster headaches here. Am I a victim? For 6 months and each day getting worse my head pounds primarily on the right side. Until the nueroglist put me on Lasix my right eyelid area was filled with fluid. I am often dizzy. When I have an attack I want to lay my head down and just hold the right side. Light is not such a problem nor is noise. It feels like I am constantly walking around with a drill that is propped up on the right side of my head and constantly drilling. Sometimes the pain will go down behind my ear/neck. It is the drilling, the banging, the pounding and this crap is 80% of the time CONSTANT. All the time. Just when I think I am getting some relief BANG! It will hit me again. Now I know the forum said don’t come here looking for a diagnosis or medication, which I am not. I am wondering if this crap going on in my head is the same as the cluster headaches. So far doctors are still scrambling. I did try to read Margi’s traits in plain English but did not understand a whole lot of it. I wish I could be clearer as to how I felt, and to how this pain is. Most more than anything, I can say that it is on the right side of my brain, it often fills as tho freaking water is in my head and making me dizzy but yet someone went and got a knife to take a quick few jabs. God help me, help me now, I am desperate, as I know everyone is but at this point I truly do not care if I live or die and cannot see living like this. This is not life and this is not how life should be lived. I can no longer live with pain like this and I do not think anyone else could be expectd to either. It is just that unbearable and the doctors seem to think i am nuts when i call in a paniac begging them to help me, begging them to help get me out of the pain, begging them that i do not want to die but can't live like this, begging them for some kind of releif. Sometimes i wonder if it is going to take my freaking death to make them realize my head hurt! My life in the last 6-9 months has done a complete turn around which has been unreal. But anyway, I am not looking for sympathy, I am looking for some kind of answers/solutions/hope/. My question is: Does this sound like cluster headaches?? Maybe I could go to my Neurologist and give him another idea of whats the matter with me when I see him on Monday??? (and by the way, by watching things, I thinks smoking enhances pain and I think water helps??)

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