Posted by Carl D (64.12.102.51) on May 15, 2001 at 03:43:25:
Hello Gang,
Sorry I haven't been posting lately, but I have been very busy. Here is an update on my 'remission':
I went 19 days painfree. No attacks, occasional shadows, some infrequent sharp pains lasting a few seconds at a time. I have had 3 attacks since Thursday morning, but all 3 were about a 3 or 4 on the Kip scale, and didn't last over 20 - 30 minutes. A very minute part of me fears the CH returning with a vengeance, while the rest of me is confident. I feel like once again I have my life back (almost), and that I can do anything having survived the hell I have been through for the last 3 1/2 years. I am both miffed and amazed at what I believe to be the cause of this remission. Mushrooms. I want to know why this works, as I still do not fully understand it. I will not question it though.
I have to say this to anyone who is going through the fire with CH right now and is ready to throw in the towel. THERE IS HOPE!!! There is always tomorrow and you never know what it may bring. I thought for sure I would end up being chronic for years on end, maybe until I die. I wanted to die so badly, and had even been contemplating how I would check out. Had I done that, I would not be here to experience the awesomeness of the now. Please hang in there. Do whatever you have to do to cope with the pain and misery. If you have nothing to lose, give the Shroom therapy a try. You never know. Twice now in the last 2 weeks I have found myself bawling like a baby when I think of the lows of desperation I had hit in the last 3 years; and how close I actually came to checking out. Were it not for the love and support of fellow sufferers and supporters, I am sure I would have carried it out. THERE IS HOPE! PLEASE HANG IN THERE!
Now, on a lighter note...
I am pleased to announce that I am putting the finishing touches on my first book, "Snapped"; and have as well begun "The Vigilante Code" - my 2nd book (not relating to Clusters, but gang violence.) I still do not have cover artwork for "Snapped", as my lameass artists have produced nothing for me, and I am quite frustrated. If anyone is good at art, and interested in possibly lending thier creative sight and talent to a cover idea, please email me.
I also have 4 songs now available for download off of MP3.Com. I am preparing to upload 5 more, and I have also begun work on the FORMER website (my music site). I played my 1st solo gig with just an acoustic and my voice 2 weeks ago, and it went very well. I am waiting out until after the convention and if all continues to go well, I will be back to work soon (YES!!!!) I am not going stir crazy as I was before, as I am keeping very busy as of late. I have been taking full advantage of this painfree time to do the thingsI have been unable to do, and accomplish tasks that seemed futile in the past. Though I feel like I have lost 3 years of my life into a quagmire blackhole, I am not mourning. Instead, I feel it has been an invaluable learning experience. I never want to repeat it again though.
Been too many things happening here to mention. Almost a sort of dichotomy shift. While I was going through the pain and torture of CH and sleep deprivation, time seemed to move so very incredibly slow. Now I am almost dizzy with how fast time is flying by me. I am taking time to stop and smell the sulfur encrusted roses though. Besides the writing and stuff, I am recording a new demo; playing gigs here and there with my acoustic duo, TWIN RIVERS; collaborating with a friend on some techno/dance tracks; learning more about 'puters and webdesign; and also trying to help some friends get back on thier feet again. I walk at least a mile a day, am doing Chi routines again and getting my body back into shape. If the fates tempt me enough, I am even contemplating being adventurous enough to actually leave for Atlanta a few days early and hitch hiking there. By that time, the "C. Franklin Daniels Home Page" should be up and running - complete with book excerpts, poetry, artwork, and links to very important places (This and HSG.Com being two of them).
I am trying to get a government grant to get me started with the initial pressing of "Snapped", and then should be able to get the snowball rolling from there. I may indeed fall flat on my face, but a man cannot experience failure unless he has tried first to succeed. I am ready for that or anything else that may wickedly this way come. With the exception of repeating the last 3 years, of course. I would rather be smothered with pig vomit on a hot sunny day.
Okay, I have rattled the keys long enough. It has been a very long day, and I am beat. If anyone needs to talk or anything, please email me. I am actually catching up on the Emails, and trying not to neglect them as I have in the past. If anyone is interested in checking out my tunes (It is the heavier stuff, I must warn you), click on the link below.
Peace, and God bless you guys,
Carl D