Posted by Brad W. (188.8.131.52) on August 29, 2001 at 06:48:18:
In Reply to: Attention getting....selfish? posted by August on August 29, 2001 at 06:00:39:
I wish I could express myself like that, August. I really don't know the answers. Like you said, you just hurt until you can't hurt anymore. Support is support, but when one has to go to complete strangers for that support, it makes one question things. Whatever happened to families that 'stuck together'? I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit surrealistic, but it seems that in this day and time we do give up easier than in times past.
Some might attribute it to how easy everything is today because of technology and that sort of thing. Still others say it's a lack of morals in our society. I spent the last 16 years of my life in California. I'm in Texas, now, but in California there is a great diversity of culture that one can learn from. Certain cultures, even in this day and time, have not been majorly affected by the changes that we see around us. My grandparents and great-grandparents would never have thought to put their parents in a nursing home, for example. Don't misunderstand me, I'm all for proper care for the elderly that cannot fend for themselves. However, so many times we see this avenue of care being abused.
What am I saying? I'm simply saying that maybe yesterday I was a little selfish. I don't really know. As I said, I don't have the answers. All I know is that when I cannot sleep for days on end and I hurt at a kip 10 for long periods of time, my stamina wears down.
I know it can be thought of as being haughty and proud to point out one's own qualities, but I have some. One of my 'qualities' I like to believe is being able to see both sides of a situation. I can see how some would see suicide, or even the entertainment of that thought, as being selfish. But, as a CHer, I can also understand one's tendencies toward those thoughts. If you had asked me 7 or 8 years ago if I'd consider suicide, or if my wife would file for divorce with no reason to do so (especially Biblical reason considering we are Christian), or even if I'd come to hate some memories over the past 6 years or so; I'd have said you were crazy. My point here is this: We NEVER know exactly what any person may be going through. For that reason, I couldn't agree with you more that we should carefully weigh everything that we say to someone in a crisis situation.
So, to sum all this up, I think we should do exactly what you say. We should look at someone 'considering' certain terrible things as 'reaching out' not seeking sympathy. After all, what is the worst that can happen? You respond to someone's distress with your heart open, and they simply are just feeding on your sympathy? There are worse things that can happen to someone. I, for one, have found great happiness since finding this site. I just hope that, someday, I will be able to help others in the way that ALL of you have helped me in the past 24 or so hours.
PFDAN's to all.....
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