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Topic: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS (Read 4184 times) |
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thebbz
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #25 on: Nov 17th, 2004, 8:59pm » |
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Guns don't kill people, people do. As I have gotten older, I have noticed I cant tough it through anymore. When no abort is available, take all I can until the brain shuts down. Usually wake up with my wife loading me in the truck for the ER trip. Now she may shoot me!!LOL 
BB
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debco
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #26 on: Nov 17th, 2004, 9:10pm » |
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This is all so sad for everyone. I sware they really need to research the BS CH. Why can't they figure out what they are from and possibly find a cure. I sware nobody should have to go through that intense pain. And what really sucks is trying to explain it to people, they really think your wacko. At least give us a reason we have these, maybe then we could know some facts. That might help a bit.
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medic1852
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #27 on: Nov 17th, 2004, 9:28pm » |
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Well, I am glad I am not alone in my dark corner. Imitrex does not help me at all. I have found not much to help me. I am just glad that I dont keep the guns at home loaded. I dont even keep ammunition here at the house. Even when I did and I was thinking that suicide was the solution my hands were trembleing so much and my vision was so poor that I could not load the gun. What helps me the most from the killing the beast that haunts me is my kiddos. 
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Testy1
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Mac_Muz
« Reply #28 on: Nov 18th, 2004, 2:55am » |
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on Nov 17th, 2004, 11:02am, Mac_Muz wrote:<SNIP>
I remain armed to this day even while typing.
Some wacko killed in cold blood, with cold steel, my elderly in laws and for what??? No one knows because this wacko who was shot by the cops in the act of stealing blades the very day before and was released by the so called System of Justice, comitted sucide after the murders...
So those reading this get to see a darker side of me... Mac |
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What's so dark about that? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Over here, being armed is almost a necessity.
Regards
Jack
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BobG
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #29 on: Nov 18th, 2004, 3:14am » |
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on Nov 17th, 2004, 9:10pm, debco wrote:| Why can't they figure out what they are from and possibly find a cure. . |
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2 words......money.....profits
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fullhead
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #30 on: Nov 18th, 2004, 10:07am » |
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on Nov 17th, 2004, 5:04am, BobG wrote:Suicide is not an option. It will only cause a headache for someone else. They will have to clean up your mess. They will have to pay for your funeral. Don't do that to yourself or your family.
And besides that, put a gun to your head and pull the trigger, you'll probably miss and just blow off the side of your face. Then you'll have to live the rest of your life ugly as hell and still have clusters.
And besides that, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide is forever.
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Thought I was the only Wacko till I found yall!
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survivor13
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #31 on: Nov 18th, 2004, 11:14am » |
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medic u said imitrx injections don't work for u. have u found anything that does? i know what thats like. about three years before imitrx and i got introduced. HANG IN THERE!
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| « Last Edit: Nov 18th, 2004, 2:44pm by survivor13 » |
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Mac_Muz
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #32 on: Nov 18th, 2004, 2:32pm » |
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Medic 1852, You sayin the imitrix pen does nothing for you? I can see pills and inhalers but not the pen.
I have heard tales of some folks doing 3 6mg's doses at once for relief and that works.. That would kill me, but it works for them. Of course that must also hurt the wallet too.... What about 02? Does that also do nothing?
.........................................................
Testy1,
Thanks for sentiment. When out, no one knows I am armed and there is no point to make a big deal of it then. However when folks come to visit and see a .45 layin next to the computer they ask questions..
After cleaning and burying my wife's family over murders which appear to have come from far left field, and for nothing to answer for and too, which gives a lot to wonder about, with no closuer to date.... Well some folks take one look at a guy they can see is a tad rough around the edgers and wonder if they are in fact safe.
It is a PC world these days where a swiss knife can land you behind bars...
I have arrived at a place where I know I am the only one who can care about me and care about my wife when we are home.... All the friends in internet land might care, but I can't exactly type HELP and expect with in seconds anyone will be here..
My heart has a switch, and one way it is harsh and cold, the other way it cares and will help others as I can and as I find em.
As you well know having clusters is both a blessing and a hell... The gun no matter the type is not the answer to a cluster. My defence gun is in plain sight when home, my wife knows how to use it. She has too, as what happens if I am down with a Ch or have been already attacked.. Why some low life live is way past my area of expertise, but so long as I have any power to stop one in my home, well then they will be...
Ch's are not terminal and Bob said that.. What I do that might be different is I just don't care about being delicate. I will be delicate when discussing womens issues or not bother to post if I have nothing to add...
On the other hand my wife had a hysterectomy and I was there to pluck the parts from the formaldrahyde at the total astonishment of the surgon. I worked a camera with in inches of the gases and when the surgon whom I had to fight with just to get the parts asked why I wanted to get these pics I said closure.
The surgon said it was highly unusal for anyone to wish for such pics, and considered this extremely odd for a husband to want to handle these organs..
I told her if you think I am strange, just how strange are the lab techs that get paid for the very same thing???? ( that brought on a certain look!)
When asked how I could bear the fumes, my answer was I have been straight to Hell and this ain't even close....
.........................................
Back to the gun: I would say anyone here with me and my gun is far safer than they might be anyplace else on Earth. At just almost 53 now I plan to waste a hell of a lot more O2 in and out of a bottle... Mac
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hilbily
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #33 on: Nov 22nd, 2004, 5:05pm » |
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My Dad apparently suffered from these monsters until 1963, when he took the big dive. He had been a victim for years, docs giving him lots of morphine and such, but nothing helped. Now I know what he went thru, but we have better understanding and treatments now. They thought most of his was from a burst eardrum. The thoughts have crossed my mind during bad bouts, but I have a wife and son to consider, and God will get me thru. The good days are great! The firearms stay put (but well within reach) until needed for more constructive purposes!
Jim
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love2bamommy
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #34 on: Nov 24th, 2004, 12:33pm » |
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My father had CH, and so do i..He killed himself on Christmas Eve, when i was 18 (now 25) After suffering through them myself, I am sure that he did it to releive the pain.
Sometimes i wonder if it's worth Killing myself just to take away the pain, and then i remeber my 2 year old son, and think better of it. I wish i would pass out!I have been in pain so bad, that i have dry heaved.
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thudpucker
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #35 on: Nov 24th, 2004, 4:23pm » |
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on Nov 15th, 2004, 9:09pm, survivor13 wrote:| always tell my self now 20 more minutes, 15 more minutes etc.. |
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That's one of my tricks. I know that my ha's usually last about a half hour maximum, so I watch the clock. I talk to the SOB, and tell it that its time is about up and it's time to go away now. If it happens to be one of those l-o-n-g SOB's, I switch to endurance mode--and still watch the clock the next time.
But: except for one K6 or so that sneaked through one night, melatonin is still keeping me pain-free, going on two months now.
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ccbiggsoo7
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #36 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 4:10am » |
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Have passed out about 20 times during really bad attacks. Doc says it's way of body shutting down from so much pain. Kinda like knockout sensor on your car, it senses something is wrong so the brain shuts itself down. But you can't order this sensor. Good luck Chris
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chris
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Langa
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #37 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 9:12am » |
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Have only passed out once during my fist attack, 26 years ago at the age of 10.
Was ready to pull the trigger 4 years ago during a 3.5 hour kip 10. A family member walked in just in time and proceeded to hold me down for the next hour. I guess you could say I lost it. Fainting then would've been really nice. This was before 02 which has been a life-saver for me.
Langa
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rbmb
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ay Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #38 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 8:03pm » |
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I do the exact same thing as others mentioned.....wake up when I feel it coming on, give myself a DHE shot (the syringe is already loaded, alcohol swab ready, then look at the clock and start pacing.......the pain should start going away in about 20 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins....sometimes it goes away faster, sometimes the shot doesn't seem to help at all and I just ride it out.
I keep the guns locked up....don't want to go there. I have had to repair my bedroom walls a couple of times after punching holes in them, but that's as bad as it's gotten.
Rich
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bobbio56
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #39 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 10:19pm » |
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Moved my guns to a trusted friend's house. Truth be told, my children kept me from doing it. Couldn't leave them with the pain. 8 yrs., 2 years chronic. Y'all hang in there! Life here is just a second of eternity. No rush to get there though.
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Bill-G
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #40 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 11:08pm » |
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New to this and haven't passed out. Made a mess of the ch side of my head with my stubby fingernails tho.
When the attacks were hitting 5ish times a day and lasting an average of 2 hours ( one WOPPER that went near 41/2 died getting ready for an er trip) I could understand that if there were no hope for relief that suicide, for some, might seem like a reasonable option. There is always hope. Meds are getting better and better every day. Suicide is not a healthy thing to brood about!
I always kept the knowledge that this would pass and life has more joy than pain. Something so final would hurt to many loved ones...this is my problem and I would never make it thiers. Besides, I don't own a pistol. cutting a wrist just isn't me and if i jumped off the tallest building in town I'd probably just sprain my ankle. I vote for life 
Hope springs eternal
Take care,
Bill
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Had heard about CH and wondered if anything could posiiblly be all that bad. Seriously thinking of having idiot tatoo done on my forehead now
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..Danielle..
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #41 on: Dec 21st, 2004, 2:30am » |
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Thankfully i'm not a chronic sufferer
Suicide can't be an option for me (pray this is always the case)
I have passed out twice though. Before I was diagnosed I passed out in my living room, seven months pregnant with my 2 1/2 year old son in the room. When I came to, my boy was sitting in a semi circle of toys near the couch. He had stuffed a pillow under my head and put a blanket over me. When he saw my eyes open, he got up and hugged me and asked if my head didn't hurt anymore. He's seen more of these than anyone else in the family and is now getting illegal driving lessons from his grateful mother in the event I need to get to hospital when dad is away at work. (live 8 miles from town and hospital)
The last time I went down was while I was shooting a wedding near my home. Thankfully, I was able to inch my way home on the country roads and make it in the door before things went dark. My boys were home to run for the ice, which was packed around my head when I woke up.
If I didn't have my boys, or support from this site, i could see how lonely and hopeless one could get.
Thankful despite the pain
Danielle
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eyhavhedaches
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #42 on: Dec 21st, 2004, 1:21pm » |
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I had my first episode of passing out just last week and was rushed to the hospital. I couldn't take the pain anymore. It was my sixth attack of that day and nothing was working, I had taken two injections of immitrex and they came right back!!! The pain was so intense my knees buckled and I fell and woke up about 3 minutes after still in severe pain from my cluster. The docters are now considering suggesting to the state that I might be a risk to people on the road while driving. They may take my drivers license. However, yes I experianced this once so far.
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When pain is a daily event, the smallest of things can be a miracle!
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heprat
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #43 on: Dec 22nd, 2004, 11:09am » |
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I find myself composing the suicide notes in my head during big hits. Not sure why...after the attack it never ever seems like an option...but during a big hit it is all I think about. Seeing my babies in the AM definately makes the bad thoughts go far far away.
I still refer to the term "suicide headaches" when discussing them with people that have not heard of them before. It typically gets their attention. Seems like I've had to educate way to many insurance people regarding this.
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LeLimey
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #44 on: Dec 22nd, 2004, 7:24pm » |
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Hilbily I'm sorry for what you went through growing up but I'm really pleased you are finding the strength not to put your own family through it. 
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IndianaJohn
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #45 on: Dec 23rd, 2004, 12:33pm » |
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I had my rifle in my hand ready to take that long walk down to the river. This message board is why I am alive today. It was a very dark place to be. The reasons that BobG stated kept me strong for a long time. But when you a really worn down, someimes it isn't enough and you need support, compassion and a good swift kick in the ass. Thankfully I got all of that from my CH family here.
God bless you all.
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Did my brains fall out or is this headache over?
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unsolved1
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #46 on: Dec 23rd, 2004, 9:26pm » |
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I'm Still alive
Unsolved
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #47 on: Dec 23rd, 2004, 9:32pm » |
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on Dec 23rd, 2004, 12:33pm, IndianaJohn wrote:I had my rifle in my hand ready to take that long walk down to the river. This message board is why I am alive today. It was a very dark place to be. The reasons that BobG stated kept me strong for a long time. But when you a really worn down, someimes it isn't enough and you need support, compassion and a good swift kick in the ass. Thankfully I got all of that from my CH family here.
God bless you all. |
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We'll be here to kick that butt of yours any time you seem to need it too! You're right, sometimes that's exactly what we need.
Dead is forever - pain isn't!
Carol
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survivor13
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ingRe: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #48 on: Dec 23rd, 2004, 10:55pm » |
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when i started this post, i could tell their were alot of people that were close to talking about this subject! i'm glad i shared my story, and that others that have been that close are sharing theirs. talking about it will help it from ever happening. hope you all have a PF x-mas and new year. pf for 2 weeks now!
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mynm156
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Re: SUICIDES DUE TO CLUSTERS
« Reply #49 on: Jan 8th, 2005, 6:02pm » |
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I have passed out before. I dont think it was for very long and as far as ending it all I have often said (Just let me die) but never really thought about going and doing it.
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