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Topic: Again, the pain came again... (Read 322 times) |
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oscar
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Again, the pain came again...
« on: Jul 22nd, 2002, 1:42am » |
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After few days 3 or 4 I think of no pain, just that sensation on hin eye... but I could say that friday night not even the sensation.... he felt good, so insisted on going out of town taking the kids to the beach, I didn't want to, I wanted to make sure he was on remision so we could have a good time... he insisted...I said fine....that night we had s...x, after, he said he felt some presure on the eye, next morning took the kids to the beach, then came, got some fish and hot pepper and made ceviche (typical plate from Peru, the fish is cooked by the lemon, and it is very hot), I told him not to eat HOT, didn't listen, well not too long after the damn pain came back as strong as in the beginnig!!!then at night again, and today like three attacks, with the shadow all day, he got in a bad mood since yesterday, we fought,he says is because of friday night, and I feel like he is blaming me, .....I feel so mad, so tired... we fought of course for other things that is too long to tell, but the thing is, he was in a bad mood so I was too because of his attitud, and our mini vacation that also end up not being ours since all his dear family came with us, was a DISASTER, I feel like crying, like all my effort to be in harmony with him was flushed in the toilet.
sorry to tell things that don't matter here I just needed to take out my frustation or I was going to blow up!!! 
Thanks and sorry
Ursula
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The mad viking
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Re: Again, the pain came again...
« Reply #1 on: Jul 22nd, 2002, 2:21am » |
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this is one of the things we are here for.I think he is a lot like me there.
When our children was younger i did the same.I had to try and catch up the things we promised our children when "General Cluster"and my son`s and my darling wifes bad feeling came on "Not now again"
Try and get in his shoes.I`m pretty sure that he is trying to be the father your children deserve in any way he can.My advice is to don`t take that feeling away from him.He is just trying the best hi ever can.But you can give him the advice that you did.
About the S--X as you called it.Think its called SEX here ;D.I also some times got hit the day after having that.The sex does no harm believe me,but after hearing several clusterheads here in Norway are talking about the same i think the exhitement can be a trigger in some way but i`m not sure about that.
When we had some plans involving our children,we waited with that until we had done the thing we had promised our sons so we did not get their bad feelings to.
I think that was the most succesfull thing we did.
Last but least i has to tell you that we clusterheads can or ARE the most unreasonable people on earth"have been told that from my wife"just wondering why 
i also think that its very important for both of you to at least try and rule over his "clusterlife"and dont let his "Clusterlife"rules yours.That can be hard and sometime you fix that and something not.But remember that you both are his "light in the end of the dark tunell"so to speak.
Take care friend,and just contact some of us.We might help you
Your Friend in Norway
Svenn
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| « Last Edit: Jul 22nd, 2002, 2:22am by The mad viking » |
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oscar
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Re: Again, the pain came again...
« Reply #2 on: Jul 22nd, 2002, 1:16pm » |
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Thanks Sveen! your words really made me feel better, but also guilty for not being more understanding with my husband, it is just so hard, sometimes.... I have my temper and I'm use to say what I think, when I don't agree on something,....Control that for me is going to bea hard homework, smile when I feel sad or mad, is so dificult....I guess I needed to improve that anyways with or without Clusters, so I'll try my best, wish me luck my friend, hope this works out for our mental health here at home!!! 
Ursula
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Margi
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Re: Again, the pain came again...
« Reply #3 on: Jul 22nd, 2002, 3:51pm » |
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Hi Ursula,
Yes, Svenn really did give you some good advice - he's a great supporter in his own rights!
The only other advice I can give you - supporter to supporter - is to MAKE time for yourself!! If you work outside the home, it's a great outlet. Or, if you don't - do something physical - work out, go for a walk, even just close the bathroom door and take 20 minutes to have a bath. Just find some time alone to re-center yourself and get things in perspective. It makes it so much easier to be able to smile when you don't feel like it. You've got to put yourself in Oscar's shoes, Ursula. We, as supporters, have never felt that pain - so there is no way we can relate to the freedom and euphoria they go through when it stops. To have that yanked away from you has got to be so hard. Perserverance and patience are the two greatest qualities a cluster supporter can have.
I feel for Oscar. I really do. Finding those few days of pain freedom and then getting nailed AGAIN....man, that must have been SOOOOOOOo frustrating for him. ANYthing that could be interpreted by him to be a turning point (such as the s..x ) is an easy scapegoat at a time like that. Take heart, though, in that it could have been anything - being exposed to someone with a cold, too much sun, the financial stress surrounding Worldcom's bankruptcy.... it doesn't take much to blame for the return of the pain. (Sufferers in the audience, please don't take this the wrong way. I intimately understand that, at the final stages of a cycle that anything out of the ordinary that occurs can be a catastrophe. No offense intended.)
And, finally - those few pain free days really COULD mean light at the end of the tunnel. It's very common for cluster cycles to end that way, Ursula. You think you're out of the woods and then *BLAMMO* - Armageddon all over again. It comes back with more vorocity and viciousness than you ever thought possible. But that, quite often signifies that the beast is moving on. You're almost through it, girl - hang in there!!
Hugs
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| « Last Edit: Jul 22nd, 2002, 3:53pm by Margi » |
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oscar
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Re: Again, the pain came again...
« Reply #4 on: Jul 23rd, 2002, 12:01am » |
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Thanks Margi, thanks so much.
Ursula
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paul_b
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Re: Again, the pain came again...
« Reply #5 on: Jul 23rd, 2002, 10:52pm » |
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Know you put alot of effort into making the mini vacation the best, but you are not responsible for things not working out. I don't believe it is ok for people to dump their anger on each other. He can be pissed that the pain returned and you can be frustrated that he didn't follow your advice. Don't hide your feelings, share them. You have nothing to be sorry about, you are doing goooood. By the way, sex triggered a CH attack when I was in my cycle. It really pissed me of too.
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oscar
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Re: Again, the pain came again...
« Reply #6 on: Jul 23rd, 2002, 11:52pm » |
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Thanks to you too Paul_b!!, Cheese! you guys are great, I love this place , it is the best thing that happened to me since I got a computer for the first time like 8 years ago....Each one of you gave me a different advice and all of them are so right and made me feel soooo good....It's not the place it's the people, you guys are relly angels, thanks!
Ursula
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The mad viking
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Re: Again, the pain came again...
« Reply #7 on: Jul 24th, 2002, 2:34am » |
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I`ll echo Margi on this one
Svenn
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