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Topic: hubby (Read 318 times) |
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maple
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Hi im new to here but since my husband has found this site he comes here to read when he is sucking "air". He has been geting these horrible headaches for several years now, but only found any out was causing them a month or so ago. I do know that he really hurts when they come, Ive seen him hurt before, one time when he was a logger he got rolled by a tree that broke 5 of his ribs and punctured his lung, a few days later he was trying to tell me he was fine and was jokeing and carrying on like he always does. Ive seen him bucked off a horse onto some barbwire that cut him up enough to make ME passout, I woke up with him carrying me to the truck with him smileing at me. It looked like he was going to die but he never even said it hurt. But I have never seen him act the way he does when his head hurt. I dont understand why this happens to him. Does this make other people with them act the same as when they hit him? I have waken up late at night and seen him rocking in the chair holding his head with tears going down his cheek. He wont let me near him to comfort him at all. All he will say is for me to go back to sleep and not to worry, and that it will pass after awhile. If I try to stay he will get mad at me and tell me to leave him the hell alone. I feel like I am being Bad by going back to bed, like I am a bad wife. I worry about him not getting enough sleep because he works with trains at work and I know that he can get hurt or killed if he messes up.
Since he has gotten treated by the doctor and found out what he has, he has gotten alot better, but he still gets them. Do the drugs that he gets cure them? What does the oxyagen do for him? Is being an not a very nice person part of the symptoms, the rest of the year he is a loveing and careing man but when he gets his headaches he can be mean to me. Don't get me wrong he hasn't ever hit me or the kids but at times he gets to be an ass when the kids get to loud, or if all I am trying to do is be with him. Please dont think that I dont care I just want to understand why he does the things that he does. He drinks ALOT of coffee, he says that it helps him stay awake at work and eases his headaches at times. Do other people do this too? Does takeing baths at 2 am help? Sometimes when he gets them dureing the day he will stay in there for hours. What is the proper thing to do, all I know to do is stay away and keep the house quiet. Is there more I can do for him? Anything would be helpfull.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 21st, 2005, 7:07pm by maple » |
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E-Double
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Re: hubby
« Reply #1 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 7:21pm » |
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Hello new friend,
I feel your hubby's pain and you must know that you are doing a fantastic job for him.....
He sounds a lot like me though I was never a logger......
Try to catch him when he is having a break and talk about what it is you could possibly do for him if and when he needs it.....
Always communicate and make time for you as well.....
You have your own battle that you are dealing with and your pain hurts substantially!
I try my best to communicate with my wife yet don't always do the best mainly because I want to shelter her from the agony I am in...this is wrong because I inadvertantly alientate her.......
I guess we're stubborn in that way because atleast for me I feel helpless because she sees me in a helpless state...This is worse than the CH.....
Here is a great resource to know like the back of your hand
http://www.brightok.net/~mnjday/chtherapy.pdf
It will present the appropriate treatments that you should seek for hubby and the doctor should know!!!
Wishing you both the best !!
Eric
oh yeah....to answer some questions....
MAny drink tons of coffee : it's a vasoconstrictor.
Also for the night time visits form the beast many of us take melatonin.....but more than the "reccommended" dose of 3mg....more like 9-12 mg about 30 min. prior to bed has helped get rid of those visits...taking back the night can do a lot for us mentally
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| « Last Edit: Mar 21st, 2005, 7:23pm by E-Double » |
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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firebrix
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I must never weaken.
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Re: hubby
« Reply #2 on: Mar 22nd, 2005, 6:58am » |
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Welcome maple!
CH is pretty hard to understand. Even the experts can't really tell us why it occurs. That's why this site is invaluable. Here we may ask questions of others living with the same nightmare and together we can seek solutions. There's a LOT of information here. To understand the condition and how it affects your family, it helps to be as informed as possible. I suggest you read everything you can, ask any questions that may come up and maybe even talk to other supporters as we all help each other.
Ch is unbelieveably painful. I can understand your husband wanting to protect you from sharing that pain. If he wants to be alone, then allow him this. It's a small thing. Supporters can be ready with the cuppa and the smile and help the transition back to "normal" after the headache has passed. Don't take it personally. Assure him you care and let him deal with it. Go ahead with what you were doing. We have to be strong to be good supporters! You're not being bad! You're doing as he asks!!
Clusterheads are TOUGH. They daily cope with situations mere mortals would blanch at. Don't worry about his work. He'll cope and if he isn't coping, he will probably tell you.
You can read all about oxygen on a button to the left of your screen on the Home page.O2 helps a lot of people. There's a lot of info on those buttons. The search function is fun too!
Bathing at 0200 might help his headache. Many CHers use either hot or cold water on their heads when they're getting hit. Whatever works is fine!
What can you do? You made a good start calling in here!
IMHO you could get informed, advocate for him, help him deal with living with CH and be his friend who tries to understand.
Sounds like you're doing a great job already!
IM if you need any help.
firebrix
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"All that it takes for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
Edmund Burke
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Gator
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Re: hubby
« Reply #3 on: Mar 26th, 2005, 2:45am » |
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Hi maple. So very sorry you have a reason to be here, but if your husband has cluster headaches, you found the right place to be. You sound like you are already a great supporter in that you are concerned about him and want to know what you can do for him.
In the words of one of the leading neurological researchers, "Cluster headaches are the most severe pain known to human beings." Rocking; crying; screaming in pain; banging the head on the wall, floor or with the fist; punching the walls or floor are all common things clusterheads do during an attack.
Even the strongest of us "tough guys" are reduced to whimpering children at the peak of a really bad attack. It is a very common thing for a clusterhead to want to be alone during a hit. We do not want to be seen in such a vulnerable state. Maybe partially an ego thing, but also wanting to spare the family members the pain of having to stand by helplessly watching. And yes, we can get a bit short with people when the head is misbehaving. It's not fun to be around, but in this case it doesn't sound like intentional meanness. It sounds like his mood swings are directly related to his headaches. I bet you he probably feels worse about it than you do.
What can you do for him? What has been suggested here is pretty much it. Learn all you can and be his advocate with the doctors, pharmacists and insurance companies. Be there for him after the attack. For me, once it's all over a good neck rub works wonders to ease the tense and strained muscles in the neck and shoulders. In a time when he is not being hit, find out what he needs and what he wants you to do during an attack and respect that. You are NOT being a bad wife for leaving the room if that is what he wants you to do.
Unfortunately, there is no cure for CH. The link Eric gave you has very good information on preventative, transitional, abortive and surgical treatments. Print it out and take it to the doctor. Sometimes a hot shower will help me break a "shadow," which is a kind of annoying low grade ch that seems to come as a precursor to an attack or just hangs around after or in between attacks. I've been known to take showers at odd hours for this reason. Oxygen works as a vasoconstrictor. It is one of the least expensive and most effective things he can use to abort an attack when used correctly. Coffee also has a vasoconstricting effect. Many find it will kill a shadow or low grade ch.
Another important thing to remember is to take care of yourself, too. You are going through a very stressful and emotional time right along with him. Holding it all in can be harmful to your own well-being. Come here and ask questions, vent, cry whatever it takes to get it all out.
There are several members that live reasonably close to you. Click on the Member Map link at the top of the page. I live in Stillwater, Oklahoma. There are some in Wichita and Tulsa as well. One of the members in Tulsa, King of Pain aka Steve, is trying to get a Meet and Greet going there. Maybe when it all comes together, you and your husband can join us. Nothing better than meeting someone who understands what you are going through. The bond is almost instantaneous. I look forward to meeting the two of you someday soon.
Wishing you and yours peace and pain free days and nights.
Mike
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