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   Author  Topic: support for a supporter  (Read 912 times)
kevmd
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support for a supporter
« on: Feb 19th, 2008, 10:16pm »
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How do I as a CH sufferer help and support my wife who is 7 months pregnant?  We also have a little guy, almost 3.  My wife is a teacher and comes home exhausted only to have to take care of almost everything when I am having a bad day.  I do what I can and have reached out to family who have all said they will do anything we need.  But I know they have lives of their own and can't come over to do my freakin laundry, or give my son a bath.  I guess I need to know how the supporters are doing it.  You have a great burden.  I am trying to hold down my job as best I can and just can;t do anything sometimes.  To those supporters in similar situations, what do you do?
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Jackie
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Re: support for a supporter
« Reply #1 on: Feb 20th, 2008, 5:36am »
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Good Morning.
I've never been in the position you all are......little one, preggers and a sufferer in cycle.   But.....I'd say just do the best you can.  Take care of the most important things and leave the rest for later.  If you're in a position to do so maybe hire a housekeeper once in awhile....even once a month would be a big help.  Your wife is a teacher...she might know someone from school who would want to make a couple extra bucks.
 
People are amazing...they can get through a lot of things.  It just takes a hard head and a mind set.
 
Supporters are a tough bunch, Sweetie....so are sufferers.  You all will be just fine   Smiley
 
Keep us posted on how you all are doing....will be wanting to know when the little one arrives... Smiley
 
Hang in there...it will all work out fine....
 
 Good luck and big hugs...
Jackie
 
Edited to add:  I see you are getting 02.  That will help you and the pred. taper will give you a boost too....maybe you can get a few chores done.... Wink
Also....please, tell your wife to stop in here and we can visit with her a bit.  Supporters can always use a kind word and a tip too.
« Last Edit: Feb 20th, 2008, 5:51am by Jackie » IP Logged
E-Double
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Re: support for a supporter
« Reply #2 on: Feb 20th, 2008, 7:36am »
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Hiya Kev,
 
I'm gonna give ya some tough love......just preparing you!
 
You do what you have to do as if you didn't have CH.
If you were responsible enough to do certain things prior to cycle then you should be responsible enough to do things when in.
It is tough because we are sometimes really run down or depressed BUT you are a DADDY and a HUBBY first then numerous things before you are a CH sufferer
 
A lot of us have chronic CH with little to no break a lot are episodics who get slammed for 6 straight months out of the yr or every other month.
 
I learned this pretty quickly.....we have to get over it.
 
When wife was preggo I still had to do stuff.
When baby was born 6 weeks early and wife had emergency CS I had to take care of her and mommy.
My wife suffered terribly from post partum dep. and so did I in my own way but because of the difficult recovery it was me rocking my daughter at 3am in one arm while holding my mask tightly to my face aborting an attack.
The oxygen flow sound actually soothed my lil Hannah.
 
I'm going on 4 yrs with this freakin' cycle and do what I need to do for my family.
 
I do not judge but I do offer an ear for you anytime along with a shoulder.
 
You need to find the right method of dealing with not only the physical pain but the emotional pain that you are obviously suffering from.
This pain is what  your wife goes through feeling helpless with regards to your attacks.
this pain is what you go through feeling helpless over being helpless.
 
You are not helpless.
You are a tough SOB.
 
Good luck, many hugs and you can rise above!!!
 
Eric
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
kevmd
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Re: support for a supporter
« Reply #3 on: Feb 21st, 2008, 2:28pm »
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I guess I shouldn't be amazed at the people I talk to on this board anymore....but I am.  Eric...you are right about being a tough SOB.  I KNOW this is the worse physical pain someone can endure, yet we have all gone through it countless times.  I feel for you, going 4 years straight.  I don't know how you do it.  I had a 4 year remission and I whine like a baby after 5 weeks.  I mean no offense, but my worse fear is ending up like you.  If i could just be assured these would go away, I could handle it alot better.  Thanks for the words and may your cycle break!!!!!!
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E-Double
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Re: support for a supporter
« Reply #4 on: Feb 21st, 2008, 2:40pm »
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Screw fear!!!
 
Let me tell you about me.
 
I went a decade mis/undiagnosed clear cut episodic.
2004 $hit hit the fan and my month long night cycles entered the day and were no longer 1 per night but 8+ per day.
 
Get diagnosis become guinea pig....
depression....
etc.
 
Had a private practice developing home schools for toddlers with autism.
Left that took on a huge position working for the largest health care system in NY running the education department of their center for autism.
I now work for an organization where I am developing schools in CT for children with neurobiological disorders.
I have to change not only an entire school system but a culture.
 
I get f-en headaches but I'm alive.
They hurt but there are plenty of things that could be worse.
 
don't fear being like me.
You should try it Kiss
To be honest, a lot of chronics will tell you that it is easier in a way b/c there is less dread and anxiety which is the real killer of this disorder.
It's when we get a "break" that we get nervous again since it is like an old friend that you become accustomed to.
 
Pain is pain but it leaves and we move on.
 
We need to find better ways to cope.
 
hugs to ya brother.
 
If ya ever want to talk, drop me a PM and I'll give you my number
 
Eric
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
Jackie
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Re: support for a supporter
« Reply #5 on: Feb 21st, 2008, 2:50pm »
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Eric.....   hug Kiss  and that's all I'm saying on the subject   Smiley
 
Much love to you and your precious girls!!!!
 
Jackie
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Annette
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Re: support for a supporter
« Reply #6 on: Feb 26th, 2008, 3:40am »
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I am a supporter and my husband had a very long cycle last year, it went on for 8 months, at least 2 hits every single day.
 
I had to do everything and I meant EVERYTHING while he was struggling to find some meds that would work. In the end I had to take leave from work because I couldnt cope with it all. Depression can loom in very easily.  
 
My advice to you is  
 
1- Try to do as much as you can.
2- When you cant do it and your wife has to take over, let her know you appreciate her effort by TELLING her every day that you love her and thank her for trying, give her extra hugs and kisses.  
3- Ask her to come to the board here to get her own support. She will be welcomed here with open arms and will benefit greatly from being able to chat and unload to people who truly understand. This board helped me keep my sanity during those hellish 8 months.
4- Give her time and space when she needs it. Encourage her to do things for herself, a little shopping trip, a manicure, a quick lunch with a friend or family ...  
5- Organise and accept help/support from whoever offer, friends family neighbours .... every little bit helps.
6- Dont mind the small bits, if the house is not perfectly clean and the meals arent homemade every day, thats fine, as long as everybody is healthy and happy ... Keep focusing on the big picture.
 
Lastly, keep in mind that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Hugs and painfree wishes to you all.  
 
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Becky
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Re: support for a supporter
« Reply #7 on: Feb 26th, 2008, 5:39am »
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Hi I am a cluster head and my husband has Crohns ( stomach disorder) he looks after me and I look after him. When we are ill together we do what we can between us. We cant give up ( as much as we would like to Cry) because we have a 7 hear old daughter. My husband taught Hannah when she was about 3 that when Mommy is crying and rocking to leave her alone!. My advice is do what you can and dont let the beast grind you down  Smiley and allways tell your supporter that you love them because they are your light through the dark times. Love to you all from Becky
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