Hi everyone! First and foremost thank you for this resource and my heart breaks for anyone who suffers this horrible illness. I have been reading through your site for the past few weeks, lurking a bit, and now feel compelled to post. Bear with me! Im super new to all this.

OK, short version of the story. Im 30, fairly grounded, and really am not a relationship/love kinda gal. In fact, not sure I even believed in 'love' until the beginning of March when I looked into U's eyes and finally GOT IT. I got love...I was in love. I recognized him, without even knowing him. As we quickly fell head over heels I learned of his daily attacks by 'the beast'. I watched him feel and act like many here describe, but had never even heard of cluster headaches, much less have any idea how to react or help....or not help, whatever the case may be. And with such a busy time in my personal life, I was unable to do the research I needed to understand at the time.

About 6 weeks ago he began to get 4-5 headaches a day. He tells me he has not been sleeping. Not been eating. Staying with his parents (who dont know me). That all hell is breaking lose. He is in a leave of absence from work (his lifeline). And, from what I know, which is little, has been in the hospital at least twice for a few days each in this time. Also in that time, he has competely pulled away from me. As he said 'I am lost and unable to communicate.'

I care deeply for this person. I love him deeply. Unfortunately I had not done my homework when the attacks escalated, and I took the lack of contact personally, expecially with my own insecurities in a new relationship, again, something I dont take lightly. Now I am better versed. Through your site (and OUCH) I have learned.....I feel foolish for my self-important and ignorant behavior. I am so horrified at what I have read about clusterheads, and even more that this person I care so much for is in such pain.

I am now trying to determine my next 'move'. I am trying to first really educate myself, with your help, on determining if I really can learn to be a good supporter. I want to learn what I can do, what I cant do, and what I shouldnt do. Every fiber in my being wants to reach out to him. But only if it's with clear eyes, and educated mind, and an open heart.

It slays me that he would have to give up the special connection we have becuase of my ignorance or his vulnerability. My question is this: How does a clusterhead date and get through these initial phases of explination to their 'potentials'? What can I do so early in the relationship to show I care without putting even one little bit of stress on him during this difficult time......Has anyone else ever experienced this where a clusterhead is just incapable of tapping into emotions when they are plagued with multiple attacks a day?

Maybe I cant handle this....but I want to. I do want to try. I want to learn, and I want to allow him the opportunity to have my support...the right way. Not the ignorant way.

Sorry for the long post, and the d r a m a. I just want to make sure Im doing the right thing.....

Thank you all. You are all clearly angels on earth.....I appreciate your time and advice........

B.E.
PS  - no spell check done.

Hi Beth,

Your guy is very lucky to have you!   The advice you got from Linda is right on.  Just letting him know that you are there for him will mean so much.  Having everything he needs during a hit will make it better for him even if he doesn't recognize it at the time.  When all settles down, I'll bet that he remembers all that you did for him.

From you post I got the impression that maybe he is pulling away from you right now while he is having such a hard time.  It might help if you let him know that you understand and that you'll be here if he should need you.   As Linda said, you'll do fine. 

Take Care,

Jeannie

Hi Beth,
Educating yourself is the very BEST thing you can do.  It will help you help him and yourself.  You will understand a lot more and it won't frighten you nearly as much.  Clusters are the horrible but not terminal.

Yes, cluster sufferers will sometimes pull away.  But...as you learn more about them/clusters you'll learn how to communicate better and knowing that you understand will help you both.  Make sure he knows how much you love him and that clusters can't stop that.


Keep talking to us...we're here to help.

Good luck....hang in there...
Jackie

Hi there Beth!

Well you are golden... Jackie and Linda have already responded to you so you are definitely on the right track.  Good for you for persisting, after all, this is what one does for someone they love. 

Don't know if you've seen this yet, but I think it might be of some help.. it's a letter to employers, colleagues, but also good for family and friends..
Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or

Here is the thread where it was posted..
Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or

Good info for you, and good info to educate others..

Pepp

Hi Beth

I am also a supporter, and as Linda said I look after Barry's oxygen, make sure they are filled and available.

After finding this site I know more on how to cope with this. Keep reading and learning it really makes a difference and remember you are not alone.

All the best to you Beth.

wow what a sweet girl you are beth. one of the things i like about truck driving is the fact that i'm by myself and it's not effecting anybody but me. you'll find that alot of us are somewhat reclusive when we're in cycle. i hate the look on my wife's face when i've come down from  a screamer. your boyfriend  knows that you care about him and i would say that he doesn't want you to see the horrible thing that he's going through.

during my last cycle i was getting worried about losing my job and i had to tell my dispatcher about my condition. she actually took the time to research this site and told me that whatever i had to do to get through this would be fine and not to worry about it. i almost cried when she told me that.

   back in my early 20s when i was dating, i never tried to explain ch to a prospective mate. lots of times if i told a girl about ch they would relate that to migraines. if you told them how bad they were they would believe me and if i should them it would scare them away.

  believe me. the fact that you got on the board with us means allot to him and it sounds to me that you already are a good supporter and we're all glad you are here. be sure to get him registered so we can sink our teethe into him.lol
                                                                      lots of luck

                                                                            johnny

Still no word. Of course I fear the worst....

Wish I had been better educated to begin with before this whole snowball. A wise man once said "A real warrior is one who goes through the hardships of learning truthfully." I think I can at least boast that of my initial ignorance. Education with this is paramount.

The same wise man said "The sum of a man is how he uses his personal power, it determines how he lives...." I know that the members of this board can boast THAT. You all have amazing personal power. I am humbled.

I hope I get the opportunity to get to know you all better.....Thank you again, so much.