Hi everyone! First and foremost thank you for this resource and my heart breaks for anyone who suffers this horrible illness. I have been reading through your site for the past few weeks, lurking a bit, and now feel compelled to post. Bear with me! Im super new to all this.
OK, short version of the story. Im 30, fairly grounded, and really am not a relationship/love kinda gal. In fact, not sure I even believed in 'love' until the beginning of March when I looked into U's eyes and finally GOT IT. I got love...I was in love. I recognized him, without even knowing him. As we quickly fell head over heels I learned of his daily attacks by 'the beast'. I watched him feel and act like many here describe, but had never even heard of cluster headaches, much less have any idea how to react or help....or not help, whatever the case may be. And with such a busy time in my personal life, I was unable to do the research I needed to understand at the time.
About 6 weeks ago he began to get 4-5 headaches a day. He tells me he has not been sleeping. Not been eating. Staying with his parents (who dont know me). That all hell is breaking lose. He is in a leave of absence from work (his lifeline). And, from what I know, which is little, has been in the hospital at least twice for a few days each in this time. Also in that time, he has competely pulled away from me. As he said 'I am lost and unable to communicate.'
I care deeply for this person. I love him deeply. Unfortunately I had not done my homework when the attacks escalated, and I took the lack of contact personally, expecially with my own insecurities in a new relationship, again, something I dont take lightly. Now I am better versed. Through your site (and OUCH) I have learned.....I feel foolish for my self-important and ignorant behavior. I am so horrified at what I have read about clusterheads, and even more that this person I care so much for is in such pain.
I am now trying to determine my next 'move'. I am trying to first really educate myself, with your help, on determining if I really can learn to be a good supporter. I want to learn what I can do, what I cant do, and what I shouldnt do. Every fiber in my being wants to reach out to him. But only if it's with clear eyes, and educated mind, and an open heart.
It slays me that he would have to give up the special connection we have becuase of my ignorance or his vulnerability. My question is this: How does a clusterhead date and get through these initial phases of explination to their 'potentials'? What can I do so early in the relationship to show I care without putting even one little bit of stress on him during this difficult time......Has anyone else ever experienced this where a clusterhead is just incapable of tapping into emotions when they are plagued with multiple attacks a day?
Maybe I cant handle this....but I want to. I do want to try. I want to learn, and I want to allow him the opportunity to have my support...the right way. Not the ignorant way.
Sorry for the long post, and the d r a m a. I just want to make sure Im doing the right thing.....
Thank you all. You are all clearly angels on earth.....I appreciate your time and advice........
B.E.
PS - no spell check done.