So I am going into see my doc tmw and was wondering if anyone had any advice.

I am currently take 240mg of verapamil(extended release) and have oxygen.
I have tried melatonin 3mg @nite, also tried bendadryl @nite.
During attacks I have used redbull, but this usually makes me very shaky(and does not always abort HA)

Can anyone direct me as to the best way to get what I need from my doc?

Sounds like you have the right tools, we just need to fine tune how you're using them. The dose of verapamil sounds really low, some go over 960 mg a day to get effective relief as a prevent with verapamil. Only change the dosing with the advice and under the direction of your doctor as there are potential side effects at those doses that need to be watched.

With the oxygen the keys are:

Start it at the first sign of an attack. Delays of only a few minutes can substantially reduce its effectiveness.
Use a Non Re Breather mask. Re breathers and nasal canulas are worthless. You must get pure oxygen into your lungs, no outside air and nothing you've exhaled.
A high flow regulator, at least 15LPM. For the same reason, a low flowing regulator usually can't keep up with your breathing.

Talk to your doctor about a daily magnesium supplement. Many find a daily magnesium regimen reduce both the frequency and the intensity of their cycles. He will probably want you to take calcium with it as magnesium leeches the calcium outta you. The dose of melatonin you are taking at bed time is pretty low. Most use 9-12 to start and work with it from there.

Good luck, praying you have an open minded doc!

Guiseppi