Someone once told me over and over that ch wont kill you.  While I believe that it wont kill your body, I question what it does to your soul. What does ch in general and all that imcompesses do to your personality, your relationships and the very fabric of who you are? When do you learn to stop the void? How do you heal the pain and damage caused by not the headaches or even the pain of the headaches, but rather from the ripple effect that affacts all those around you and all things around you.  Your fianances, your faith, your home, your spouse, and children.  To think that any of that is left untouched is to ignore the reality of living with such a diease.  Once you pull you head out of your own blackness and see with open eyes what you have done to your loved ones... what then? It doesn't matter at that point the pain or the fight... or does it? Where is that happy middle ground? How do you find that peace for yourself and for the ones that support you? What do you do when you relieze that your supporter can no longer support you because you have stolen all there is from their soul? Wailing is guilt is not the answer... picking yourself up from the boot straps then picking up your supporter with open arms is.  But, how do you find that strenght when you no longer have a soul?
Tanyana

I will merely quote a very wise man from Kansas:

"Adversity doesn't build character. It reveals it."

Jeannie wrote on Feb 27^th, 2009 at 11:31am:


What Jeannie said.

Hugs,
Beth

Linda_Howell wrote on Feb 27^th, 2009 at 2:15pm:


I got to meet some of the strong clusters and supports that you speak of and only wish I was a strong as they.  Maybe at the end of this current road I will be

you need to develope your own coping skills and realize your supporter is just that a supporter, not a dependancy source but just support and help.  time to stop living in the pain and take control of it.
i say this with love and compassion and not mean spirited.

I'm gonna give you a hug but also revving up for a swift kick because many of us need it sometimes.....

I apologize for the "cookie cut" but it I am being a bit selfish since my wrist hurts....

E-Double wrote on Jan 27^th, 2009 at 5:16pm:

dear Tanyana.....I DO understand the misery....I am a mother of a little boy who suffers everyday and I am also a single mom with VERY little support...he also has  Asperger's  Syndrome, a form of autism..so trying to explain things to him is almost impossible...Our whole lives have changed from a happy little boy to a miserable and scared little boy.....There are days that I am so tired....I work as an RN....and you would think that I should have the strength of 10 men...ha....most people think that being an RN makes you more understanding.....it does to a point....but when the point of exhaustion kicks in...I lose the fight sometimes....I love my children very much...but there are days that I wish I were somewhere else....and that is what always pulls me back from the brink.....I just have to look at how much he suffers and I am reminded that he is the one who wishes he could just be somewhere else....He looks so sad that I could just cry....crying does nothing but make you feel worse....I don't cry much anymore....I do however fight back at doctors who have a more important meetings to go to...and won't listen!!!  I try to find out all new information about it....not much on kids unfortumately....but I wanted to tell you that just because your supporters feel tired and burned out....the simple thanks and hugs they get from you , makes it worthwhile.....keep your chin up.....there will be help someday,  I have to believe that!!!!