THE STAFF CHRISTMAS PARTY NOTICE FROM HR
>>
>>
>>FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director.
>>TO: All Employees
>>DATE: 8th December 2014
>>RE: Christmas Party
>>
>>
>>I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
>>on
>>December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
>>House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
>>band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And
>>don't
>>be surprised if the Boss shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
>>will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
>>that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of
>>gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
>>The Boss will make a special announcement at the Party.
>>Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
>>Pauline
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>>FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
>>TO: All Employees
>>DATE: 9th December 2014
>>RE: Holiday Party
>>
>>In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
>>We
>>recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
>>with
>>Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
>>calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other
>>employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
>>Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
>>enjoyment.
>>Happy now?
>>Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>>Pauline.
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>>FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
>>TO: All Employees
>>DATE: 10th December 2014
>>RE: Holiday Party
>>
>>
>>Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
>>requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
>>accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA
>>Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
>>this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed
>>now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and
>>Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE
>>ALLOWED.
>>Pauline.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>>
>>FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
>>TO: All Employees
>>DATE: 10th December 2014
>>RE: Holiday Party
>>
>>
>>What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
>>Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
>>daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
>>luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
>>beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
>>the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
>>in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
>>members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
>>pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed
>>to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each
>>will
>>have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay
>>men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross
>>dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat
>>food
>>will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
>>the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
>>first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant
>>cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
>>Pauline.
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>>FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
>>TO: All F****** Employees
>>DATE: 10th December 2014
>>RE: The F******* Holiday Party.
>>
>>
>>Vegetarian p*****s I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep
>>this
>>party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
>>quietly
>>at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put
>>it,
>>you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you
>>know
>>tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard
>>them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
>>I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
>>The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>>FROM: John, Acting Human Resources Director
>>TO: All Employees
>>DATE: 10th December 2014
>>RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
>>
>>
>>I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and
>>I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
>>Management
>>has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the
>>afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
>>John.