at the end of my rope

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Posted by Scott ( on October 05, 1999 at 03:56:32:

I found this page in my wife's favorite section. I read through it looking for clues to what had happened to her today. I found her tonight upstairs unconscious. She had been up there a while, so I thought she was meditating. She had a cut and bruise on the left side of her head and she seemed to barely breathe. I called the ambulance and they asked for her prescription bottles. I was embarrassed because I didn't know what she had taken, or where they were. She had two different bottles of morphine. They took both of them with them.
She's still alive, but not aware of anything yet. I went home after I left the kids with friends. I don't know if she tried to kill herself or if she did this on accident. She doesn't let me know about her pain. I can see it all over her but she goes off and deals with it alone. She's very intelligent, she loves her kids, she loves everyone so I can't think it was intentional but the doctor asked me these questions like he thought it was. Has she lost weight, well yeah. Has she lost interest in friends and events. I didn't know. Too many questions I didn't know. I'm angry and I blame her. I know it's not right, but this is screwed up. I'm sick of this life she's leading. Sick of her crying and definately sick of her hurting her head like that is going to help anything. She thinks she can go to work, what a joke. Yeah I'm the asshole in this. I'm just being honest. Has anyone else ever overdosed accidentally, or are there no accidents? Is there any cure for her cluster headaches or is this what life is going to be like from now on? Has anyone else ever tried to oft themselves? I know her, but I don't know her. She will tell me the truth because she doesn't know how to lie. If she tells me she gave up I think that's it. Once is enough, she's not going to get another chance to put us through this again. I'm not trying to offend anyone who has ever overdosed, but I'm pissed.

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