Umm, Im not the only one.......

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Posted by Jim ( on December 04, 1999 at 12:09:39:

My first post, god im glad im not the only one out here that is blessed with this curse. My wife found this site as she has others. I feel guilty for being a whining sniveling "Man of the House" when I am going through one of my episodes (As I am now) My eyes are
swollen, Im shaking, Im exhausted, but for the time being im not in pain. I only have shadows right now, but in a couple of hours, the familiar ache will be back. Imitrex is ready... Thank god for this stuff.
But I feel like a junky. I feel guilty that it costs so much and I need it so much. I cried when I first
opened this site up. I don't cry.. but its like I feel
the pain of my fellow sufferers, I couldn't believe that there is someone out there like me. My mind has
so many thoughts about this that I can't type fast enough to put it in words. I followed one of the posters advise and took half a shot. It worked, it took a little bit longer, but at least I know that I now have at least double my stockpile. Im at about 8 episodes per day right now. Im a Big Rig driver, it's kinda hard to drive and bang your head on the steering wheel or window at the same time you drive. LOL I dont drive and have a headach at the same time, as you know its almost impossible to function with a CH. So I know when I have to pull over. Its good to know that there are people out here that suffer as I do. I don't have to go into great detail to describe the symptoms and intense pain of this monster. I have gone into ER's and the medical staff look at you like your an idiot for coming in with a "headache????". Have ya'all been through this? I have had these CH's for 17 years. I have been on everything, and I do mean everything, i havn't done 02 because I already have shortness of breath. I don't need to have less lung capacity. I smoke to much. I just found Imitrex Last year. Why did it take so long to have a Dr. know how to fix me... It is the only thing that has worked in alllll those years. The wave of painlessness that washes over you after sticking yourself and the feeling of relief after IMitrex has taken your pain away is like a "high". But not a "Narcotic" high. Do you know what I mean?? I am worried now tho. It seems to take longer to work... Am I becoming Immune to it? Can I become Immune to it? I finally have a Dr. That will prescribe it in 20 boxes at a time with refills. The pharmacys love all the money I generate for them. They call to see if they should order more. Greedy SOB's :).. Wall Mart charges 3,000.00 med shop 1,600.00. Why? Why are Dr's hesitant to give it to you. How much would 8 visits a day to the ER cost? Then they give you drugs that make you worthless the whole time that they are affecting you. You know the pain is still there but just masked by the narcotic of choice that they give you. I was on Phenobarbitol suppositories once a long time ago while I was in the Navy. They actually gave me these, and it worked. But I didn't even know what I was doing or who I was when I was doing it. Scalding Hot Water Showers on my Left temple used to be a relief. But I would burn the rest of my body, maybe the different pain sensation was the actual help.??? Right now... Im a F'n zombie, I can't think of anything but about when the next wave of pain is coming and if I can get the imitrex in me fast enough so the pain will be as short lived as possible. God Iv'e read through this, im ranting like a idiot. Well Im going to post it anyway just to put my two cents in. I relate to all of you, Im here for you tooo if you need me, even you
migrain sufferers if they are like CH's I feel for them too. I feel for my family the most, they go through so much for me, the look of helplessness that is in my wifes eyes as she watches me and can do nothing for me is almost to much to bear. I really don't want to live at all during these bouts but I just hope that the next day they will be gone. I can't relate to exactly when and where and why to expect them to hit me because its like a nightmare that you don't want to remember. Do you know what I mean. The instructions for posting asked for details.
I almost cant remember details. You have all said it in some of the posts. Have any of you had suicidal thoughts as the pain persists??? I can't believe I would think like that after the bouts are over but when they are here, it seems like the only option.
But I hang in there, just wondering if Im alone in these thoughts.. I will answer posts or emails as I can or my wife will, she is currently out doing battle with the pharmacys for more IM so ill have it to stockpile. :) Late, Jim

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