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Posted by Todd ( on March 19, 2000 at 15:11:53:

In Reply to: In my search for Truth. posted by drummer on March 19, 2000 at 14:00:03:

is the Church of the Divine Pizza. We can have almost anything we want, as long as we order extra cheese. Anchovies are permitted, but require extra penance.

We accept and love our neighbors at the Church of the Designer Pizza, although we do not actually approve of sprouts, pineapple, guacamole or these other "New RecipeBook" concoctions. We are strictly "Old Book" kind of folks.

In Sunday School, we teach the children how to grow plants, not kill them. Particularly wheat (for the flour), tomatos, onions, mushrooms, green peppers, oregano and the rare and very difficult to raise pepperoni plant, which we plant near the fence separating our garden from the local Synagogue. This is not meant to be cruel, but is our Pizzian way of attempting to show our Jewish neighbors the one true way. They are very strong in their beliefs, however, as despite much drooling and lipsmacking we have yet to convert a single one. This year's drought promises a bumper crop of pepperoni, however, and so we are confident we will be adding some new members shortly.

Most of our hymns are very traditional...set to the tunes of masters like Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow and Bing Crosby, although some of the younger members are pushing for more modern music. This week's Church Olders meeting will consider their request by reviewing some of the music of Herman's Hermits, Tony Orlando and Frank Yankovic.

We have no fear of hidden Satanic messages, because it has been proven that an accordian can't be played backwards. (And if anyone ever does, who would know?)

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