Lost it

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Posted by Carl D ( on May 08, 2000 at 12:27:45:

I had a night straifght from hell.
In fact, I am surprised I am alive and well. I would have thought to have that much pain, you must either go blind, or die in the process.
I had something far beyiond a ten, But I don't quite know what to call it. I could not control myself whatsoever. I screamed, I puked, I pissed myself, and writhed vioulently on the floor. I can't even tell you how long it lasted, I was so out of it.
I cooldn't control myself at all. For a moment, I didn't even realize I was screaming. I lost all touch with reality for awhile.
After this incredible 'violent' episode, I feel asleep for four hours, and woke up shodowing heavy and my neck aching. I am kind of scared. I never had an attack that bad before, and don't quite feel 'normal'.
I mean, I went through it, I survived, but I feel like it did something else to me. I can't explan it. All I know is I wouldn't be surprised if the people I'm staying with give me my walking papers today. I could not control myself one bit, and probably freaked them out as well. They probobly think I lost it completely or somthing, I dunno. I do know this: one more attack like that and I am dead! I am not referring to suicide or anything, but I am saying that another episode like that will probably kill me.

Carl D

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