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Posted by Paula ( on June 22, 2000 at 13:04:55:

I do not know much about computers. This is my first attempt at the message board. But I have been reading this site for about a month or so since I found it. I too feel out of place because of the freindships the regulars seem to have on this board. But last night I had such a bad night I just have to tell somebody who truly knows and understands. First I am 41 and female. been having CHs since I was 16. They were very short and manageable back then. I get them every 1 to 2 years and each time they last longer and are more painfull. This cluster has been going on for 3 months and I am only working a day or two when I can. I love my job and have had it for 18 years. I am lucky. They haven't fired me. But I am really good at what I do. I have tried most meds mentioned here at least once or twice or three or four times. I am now on topamax. I hate it. It makes me feel like I have the flu all the time but it seemed to cut the severity frome 8,9,10, to 6 and 7. I think they are peaking now because they have been so much worse the past week. This of course hurts more but could mean they may also go away soon!! I can dream and hope and pray. Yesterday at work I could feel like, a shadow, I came home,used my oxegen (had this for 13 years) (with out oxegen I know I would be dead by now). But at the end it doen't always work. That's when I start to panic. Because I know what's coming.I know they will be 9 and 10. Anyway the O2 didn't do it, I took two perkoset. I did't want to waste my imitrex that I knew I would need at night. I had a feeling it wouldn't work but I tried anyway. Back on O2. Off and on O2. At 7:30 took imitrex nazel spray thought it would last longer than shot. RELEIF. Slept one hour. Back this time and worse than ever about 9:30. O2 again and again. Then it became a 9 1/2 to 10 and i kept thinking "how can I stop the pain by hurting myself( knife cutting open head? ) I don't want to die I just cannottake the pain." I have thought of a gun but I want to live. So off to the emergency room. Portable O2 in the car. Of course they call it "Lady with migraine." But I was dancing good and they listened to me and my husband(he is great)(tells them just what I need, Even went out and got my own O2 once when they wouldn't listen and they have been preety good since) and within 1/2 hour I had an IV dilodid(spelling?). Finilly releif. Got home by 12:30. But guess what before I got to sleep it was back!!!! Took me 2 more hours off and on O2 to get totally rid of it. It was a 7 or 8 instead of a 10. I guess I need to feel lucky for even surviving. But I am SOOO tired. I know I shouldn't but I have to feel sorry, cry and be held for awhile to get my strenght back. To handle another. Because I know it will come. And I am sorry to wine(wrong kind?). But I am hoping you all know how it goes. Back to nurologist today. He is good. But he's not God and no one can stop these. I just wnat to live. Thanks for listening. Paula

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