My Demon

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Posted by Bob Collins ( on August 08, 2000 at 11:31:45:

My Fellow Clusterheads-
I have just been hit with another vicious cycle. Two and a half years ago, I had a cycle that lasted over 3 months and went to the doctor and he gave me a shot of Imitrex. Well, I thought this was the miracle drug of the century for us that suffer the demon. The reason I thought that was because I didn't have another attack until just recently. Well, now that I have a job that gives me good insurance, I have been going to the doctor, and it surprises me that they know very little about the Demon. I told my doctor that I had received an injection of Imitrex a little over 2 years ago and it worked like a charm, hoping that she would do the same. But, instead she prescribed me with the 25mg tablets, and only 9 of them to boot. Well, needless to say, those were gone in two days, so I went back to her and told her they didn't work. So, she proceeds to prescribe the 5mg nasal sprays. Again, they didn't subside the Demon. Now, I am in a quandry. Every time she prescribes something different, it costs me another $25-$75. Well, I am not Bill Gates, so I really can't afford to keep spending my hard earned money on "medicines" that don't help. She has even talked about putting me on steroids to see if that helps.

I have read many of the postings in this message board and I can relate to each and every one of you. I thought maybe I would share my ritual "dance" with my fellow clusterheads.

When I feel an attack coming on, I go lay down in a dark, quiet room with a heating pad on my forehead and an icepack on the back of my neck. Alot of the times, it helps ease the pain for awhile. If that doesn't work, I will get in a very hot shower and let the soothing hot water pour over my head. That provides momentary relief. Then I will get out of the shower, and towel off leaving a gleam of water still on my body. Then, I go and lay in front of a fan on high, and again repeat with the heating pad and icepack. I don't know how or why this works, but it does alot of the time. Maybe it is the drastic change in temperature, I don't know.

A couple of days ago, I was in the bedroom fighting with the Demon and my fiancee (I know it kills her, too) came in and said that maybe it was a tumor or an aneurysm(sp) or something like that. That got me really scared!! I am not afraid to admit that.

The doctor told me a few days ago, last time I went in to see her that alcohol will cause them too. Well, I knew that and stopped drinking when this cycle started. She asked me if I ever had my eyes checked. I wear glasses all the time. She doesn't seem to think they are clusters, because my demon comes and goes as he pleases. I get them in the morning, I get them at noon, I get them at night. It doesn't matter when, just whenever he feels like playing I guess. I am at my wit's end. I have even read about some clusterheads that are suicidal because of the Demon. I am here to tell you that I can relate. I am not going to kill myself, no way I will let this bastard win. But, during the dance, sometimes I wish my brain would just explode and end the suffering.

Well, I have rambled enough. I just wanted to get these things off of my chest and share them with people who actually understand and won't say I am a wussy when I get a headache. I have told my friends when they give me crap about them that if they have just one of these Demons and they aren't on their knees crying like a baby, then I will wear a badge bearing WUSSY in big letters.

Stay pain free as long as you can, my comrades in pain. Thanks for being here for me.


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