Help, Suicidal

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Posted by jstone ( on December 29, 2000 at 03:26:39:

I have contributed to this board off and on over the past couple of years and much of the material hear has been of great help. I stopped contributing for the most part because of all the negativity I encountered. I guess I understand that there are a lot of miserable people out there. But I have no where left to turn.
This is the 20th year I've had clusters. Twice a year, every year for a total of about 5-6 months a year. Sometimes everyday but at least several times a week. They come in the morning with in an hour after I wake up. I am at my wits end. I have to somehow find a way to make it through work while having one of these bastards. I just started my winter cycle and realize the next two months will be in hell. I'm at the end of my rope. I've tried all the meds. I tested negative for sleep apnia. Imitrex helps some, but not for the bad ones and it's 10 bucks a pill. Insurance only pays for 9 a month. My budget is stretched as it is. I feel guilty for getting them at work because I have to disappear and find someplace to run or bang my head. They last for hours now. I'm afraid I do want to die. I can't think of too many good reasons to stick around. Not like this. Please help. I need some words of strength, prayers. I'm so tired. I try to be strong, I do. But after 20 years, I don't know if I have it in my anymore. I'm so tired. Depressed. I feel for you all.

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