needing to vent, thats all!

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Posted by jacque ( on January 25, 2001 at 13:03:57:

hello to all!
i simply need to put down on paper (if you can call it that) my thoughts. just need to release...
daniel beat his head into the bathroom door the other night, took his fist to his temple, took his pen and pressed right on the temple soft spot cause he says THAT pain feels better than his headache. why is it that he is only 14 and i suffering this way, i wish my gut didnt tell me he is going to suffer like you all do and to the degree you do. it depresses me to think of his possible future. i read that note the other day about the young guy who committed suicide and i oh so cried, for him, you and for the thought that that could be my son daniel in years to come. why is it so hard to find something that will help... why?
could it be that daniel has something different and not ch.? could it be that my motherly intuition is wrong. i pray it is. and yet i read how you feel and how you react and daniel is so similar.
i have decided to be patient. not overreact to this and his docs. for now he is on zoloft, about 2 weeks now, not much change. they come and go quickly, sometimes lasting only minutes, but still with extreme pain. i will pray for a neuro, an understanding knowledgable one. i will watch and wait, i will take in what he is going thru and then act. sometimes i think i am the one that is crazy, i think "no way" he cant have the same excruciating pain as these guys!" it has to be something else. but what? he has undergone EVERY test i think imaginable. he is tired of docs and the inconclusiveness! and you know what, so am i. someone just tell us we are crazy and that will be the end of it.
daniel has such a bright future, please dont let it be full of THIS pain, please!
i am sad, i am sad for him and for me... all i want to do is help him to feel better. i know i sound like a broken record. One pill, isnt there just one pill that he can take and allow him to not have the pain. do the docs think this too hard, why dont they listen. our gp now says 'no way' he has them too often to be ch. oh i think i am loosing it, maybe i am reading into the whole thing, you know making it be ch. i dont know i just dont know. pray for daniel, pray hard, i want him pain free. he mentioned pressing a stapler to his temple.. he said he was kidding, but i wonder if this wasnt a fruedian slip you know.
thank you, sorry, i am crazy for writing all this and i surely dont expect you to read it all, just to write...........
wishing you ALL a HEALING! a complete healing!!
jacque, mother of sweet daniel!

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