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Posted by nancyc ( on August 01, 2001 at 02:56:43:

While at the hospital, I got hit and they could not give me any imitrex. The chest pains got worse...the Doctor was really concerned. I am really depressed. He informed me that cluster headaches are also called suicide headaches (like I don't know that one.) I probably won't have a job since he now put me on bedrest. What the fuck is going on in my life...who says that cluster headaches don't affect everything about your life. I was given a shot to knock me out so I would sleep but I am afraid to. You guys think I am so strong but you are so wrong...right now, I am not strong at all. I have taken so much imitrex in the last 5 days that I am having chest pains, can not sleep, can not eat now, can not focus, feel dizzy all the time...Now imitrex is messing with my heart. And NO...I am not suicidal...even though the Doc tonite was worried cause the pain is so bad...I am not worried about that....I just want to sleep and not wake up screaming. Today was the worse nightmare I have ever lived thru...just hope surviving it makes me stronger. Forgive me for feeling sorry for myself but I don't know what to do now...not suppose to take verapamil, have to limit the Imitrex (which I have no more shots left anyway)...what the hell do I do now? When I left the hospital, the Doc took my hand and just squeezed it...like he understood. Told me he would pray for me cause there was nothing he could do to make the CH go away. Put on my record...chest pains...when he should have put broken spirit...He really touched me with his kindness. Wish I knew what path to take now...for the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. Please forgive me for feeling sorry for myself on the board and not smiling...I just feel lost. But there is one good thing going on...I want to live, even if it is with all this pain. I am posting this for all my family that was in chat tonite so they will know...I am still fighting. Adam has taught me to fight even harder... nancyc

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