Just about midnight...

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Posted by Todd Owen ( on February 06, 2002 at 03:07:14:

...and the beast won't let me be for another night. Same thing as last night, and the night before--the beast wants to come out and play now that I'm worn out and ready to sleep (not like I wasn't ready to sleep before, what with so little sleep over the last few weeks).

My wife is in our bedroom, sleeping peacefully. I'm hoping I'll be awake and alive enough in the morning to get the kids ready and run to school like I usually do. Not looking that way right now. Need to call the neuro tomorrow--she had asked me to give things until Friday to try and work out, but it's obvious right now that they won't work. We need to do something else here, the meds I'm on now were supposed to be working in my system last Wednesday.

I know a lot of you are going to not like this, but I'm basically on pure pain management drugs with Imitrex (and Axert) for breakthroughs. Oxycontin had been my mainstay, and is likely going to be traded out for another narcotic or opiate. Don't be so quick to condemn it though--after 2 1/2 years chronic with six attacks per day, I have been through every listed med on this site (with the exception of LSD or shrooms) and many others not even listed. I have undergone gamma knife surgery to no avail, and have been on the brink of suicide.

I can't be allowed six (or more)doses of Imitrex per day to deal with the headaches, it's not medically feasible. The neuros have given up trying the prophylactics to break the cycle; the focus now is to return to me some level of quality of life. I've accepted the trade-off I must make--the strong opiate/narcotic meds and the physical dependency and other issues in return for days where I can function through the pain.

I hope others here are finding their nights and days free from the beast, tonight I'm not in much of a mood to play ball with him.

Blue skies and PFNAD,
Todd Owen

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