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Topic: Brian's Steroid Journal (Read 1207 times) |
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Peppermint
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #25 on: Dec 30th, 2003, 10:38pm » |
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on Dec 30th, 2003, 10:04pm, Charlie wrote:Damn. I knew it.
Not that bright.
Yer right.
Charlie |
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ROTFF CHarlie!!! 
I dont wanna ask Mr. PUCK,
Fric
(now say that fast 5 times)
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You like apples? How ya like them apples?
When playing in the gym, beware of steel beams. - M. Amyx
Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble. - Charles H. Spurgeon
FYI - I am NOT a clusterhead.
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Little Deb
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #26 on: Dec 30th, 2003, 10:52pm » |
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Huh 
Don't you all have some testosterone filled males to bash at the grocery store. Did you all notice he said "Little Woman"?
What's that all about? Girls....are ya with me or WHAT????????????????????????? 
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Hirvimaki
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #27 on: Dec 30th, 2003, 10:55pm » |
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Not that I am a philologist (OK, I am), nor a philopolemicist, but this is jult plain FUN! (Almost as much fun as reading the OED!)
I must set aright an error. I fear in my haste and innattention while at work, I mislabeled myself as a cryptovestiphile, when in fact I am more of a melcryptovestimentaphile. Sorry for the confusion. I wouldn't want to confuse anyone...
Now I must away to play. There is frottage to be done. Are you coming Fric? 
Hirvimaki
I promise to leave your journal alone now, Brian...
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| « Last Edit: Dec 30th, 2003, 10:56pm by Hirvimaki » |
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"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
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Melissa
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #28 on: Dec 30th, 2003, 11:00pm » |
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I wanna hear about day 2 dammit, when is tomorrow gonna get here?? I am bored and have no one to play with. Maybe I'll just try and pry my fingers from the keyboard and go get some sleep?
naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Peppermint
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #29 on: Dec 30th, 2003, 11:04pm » |
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on Dec 30th, 2003, 10:55pm, Hirvimaki wrote:
Now I must away to play. There is frottage to be done. Are you coming Fric?
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on Dec 30th, 2003, 10:52pm, Little Deb wrote:Huh
Don't you all have some testosterone filled males to bash at the grocery store. Did you all notice he said "Little Woman"?
What's that all about? Girls....are ya with me or WHAT????????????????????????? |
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Pshaw... aint seen nuffin yet. He'll be on a roll soon...with mustard, mayo and horseradish to boot... once that absinthe gets a hold of 'im...
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| « Last Edit: Dec 30th, 2003, 11:09pm by Peppermint » |
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You like apples? How ya like them apples?
When playing in the gym, beware of steel beams. - M. Amyx
Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble. - Charles H. Spurgeon
FYI - I am NOT a clusterhead.
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Cerberus
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #30 on: Dec 30th, 2003, 11:09pm » |
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Yes.............but have you tried the SWORDFISH!
Here's another one to look out for: When you wake up running in your sleep, but you are REALLY running and the traffic you pass as you go down the interstate and realize you are still asleep..............................time to taper DOWN!
LMMFAO, I'm sorry B can't help it.
Ramon
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Miklos
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #31 on: Dec 30th, 2003, 11:20pm » |
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We already know what the Day 2 journal will say.
Day 2:
Due to the total lack of respect for the sanctity of my journal, I shall defenestrate myself upon the high altar of Gin_dom, thus preventing the rabble from continuing these meretricious assaults upon my ruminations and peregrinations.
Death to hijackers!!! Long live bowties!!!
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| « Last Edit: Dec 30th, 2003, 11:28pm by Miklos » |
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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nancyc
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #32 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 12:43am » |
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Dammit...Brian....what is happening in your journal...you had me falling out of my chair laughing and then you just stopped ....I am with Jayne on this, keep writing, bro! nancyc
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Woobie
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #33 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 4:35am » |
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um......... i think this is the funniest thread in a long time! I am cryin over here!
Brian - please continue. I love the way you write.
and hirvimaki........... you're killin me! 
please continue!
tina
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Paigelle
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #34 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 9:30am » |
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Hey, what the hell happened on Day 2? Did you do something naughty and you can't tell us? We love to hear naughty stuff! I am with Melissa, please post Day 2, NOW.
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Brian_Y
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #35 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 9:41am » |
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Well, today is Day 2. I am gonna post, around lunch what happened to me from the end of my Day 1 post up until when I post the Day 2 stuff at lunch today. And I'll do that for the next ten days. When I come down. And off. Etc. And the fear sets in.
And I DO agree:
Death to hijackers, long live bow ties!!!!
Patience, my minions. Patience...
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Peppermint
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #36 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 9:50am » |
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on Dec 31st, 2003, 9:41am, Brian_Y wrote:
nOoooooooooo...............
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You like apples? How ya like them apples?
When playing in the gym, beware of steel beams. - M. Amyx
Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble. - Charles H. Spurgeon
FYI - I am NOT a clusterhead.
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TomM
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #37 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 9:52am » |
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on Dec 31st, 2003, 9:41am, Brian_Y wrote:
Patience, my minnows. Patience... |
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Yet, another boating refernce? 
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Paigelle
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #38 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 10:09am » |
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I am very concerned about Brian. What is with the minnows and bow ties?
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brain_cramps
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #39 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 10:54am » |
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geeze Hirv (and Miklos)
some pretty obscure words!
onelook.com is a one-stop dictionary search site that uses at least 25 online dictionaries including:
- Merriam-Webster's
- dictionary.com
- Encarta
- Wordsmyth
- American Heritage
and even your "Grandiloquent Dictionary" 
kinda funny that the following words did not show up anywhere:
- catamidiate
- cryptovestiphilia
- gynæcomaniac
- melcryptovestimentaphile
while these only show up in 1:
- ecdysiophile
- lavacultophilia
- philopolemicist
IF you did not spell these words correctly in the first place... didn't your mother tell you something about not using words you can't spell?
grant
(who eschews obfuscation)
BTW Brian --- back to your story
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| « Last Edit: Dec 31st, 2003, 11:03am by brain_cramps » |
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Miklos
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #40 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 11:06am » |
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Grant, go the site below. Become educated, and verify the spelling. It's not like you have a lot to do today. There are new words posted each day, such as inesculent.
SPIZZQUIZ
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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brain_cramps
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #41 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 11:17am » |
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on Dec 31st, 2003, 11:06am, Miklos wrote:| It's not like you have a lot to do today. |
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Hmmmmmm... I guess you'd like to explain "IPSec Negotiation Configuration options".
grant
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| « Last Edit: Dec 31st, 2003, 11:18am by brain_cramps » |
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Brian_Y
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #42 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 11:39am » |
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Day 1, continued
This is a slow time for the York Man and his quasi-Machiavellian self. A slow time indeed. He is charged with rolling out to the entire Mortgage Division of a bank with assets running near the 10 billion mark, a new web-based software which will make us leaner and meaner and greener. But he is sad. All of the vendors do their software vendor crap-ola and take copious amounts of vacation right around the holiday time and the end of the year time using the excuse that it's Christmas to justify their laziness and spleen-infested ennui. I hate them all equally.
So I wile the days away here. I long for the meeting. The MEETING!! The meeting where I poke and prod and cajole and BITE. I long for that magic gathering where I bang my fists on the table of marble and pure hardwood demanding results. At $275 per hour, per jackass, you better have some goddamn results for me. I do not play.
But they are all back in their little corporate HQs, leaving the York Man sad, dejected, and alone. Instead, he must compile reports and write change management procedures. He must emblazen the pages of Microsoft Project with his superior knowledge and largesse (yes, largesse).
But then he took prednisone. This gave him an opportunity to stew. To look over, yesterday after lunch as El Chico settled in, a bill for upwards of $300,000 for an extended amount of on-site support due to the simple fact their system did not work. So. I am paying YOU for missing our deadline because your system did not work? No, no, no. tsk tsk tsk. My mind begins to play tricks on me. I call a gathering of fellow VPs. I stand at the head of that marble and wood work of art and I tell them, with perfect clarity: "I will rot in hell before I pay one cent of this". They all agree. There is back-slapping and glad-handing. There is a lot of "Hear, Hear!!". I am in my element. But I am alone. Who can take this wrath?
I spend the rest of the day composing vitriolic letters of condemnation to the CEO of our poor vendor, splattering the page with words like "insane" and "deliverable" and "piece of shit system". I am rolling. My mind will not stop. And just as I consider going to Delta's web site and flying to Nashville to deliver this letter and my boot in person, my cell rings. It's the wife. The child is ill. Maybe. Can I take her to the doctor. I feel the pulse in my neck. It is racing like a jackhammer. Yes, I'll take her. I need some air. So there is a doctor's visit and there are medicines administered. The wife calls my cell again (the damned things, I hate them). Can I meet her at Publix? Some shopping? OK, I agree.
By now, having an easy-going conversation with my daughter on the virtues of pink and green and purple, I am feeling a bit more "normal". Happy even. I am thinking strange thoughts, though. I look at willow trees and suits of armor. I consider my hands.
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Brian_Y
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #43 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 11:40am » |
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More Here...
Publix.
Oh, my. What a grocery store. Pates and cheeses and breads and meats and cakes. It all looks so good. They are giving away free samples of chevre. It is divine. My mind is racing. We walk up aisle 1, then aisle 2, then aisle 3. This is too much for me. I must break the monotony. I leave the old girl and child in aisle 3. I head over to aisle 4. My mind is so unquiet. Shhhhhhhh.
From aisle 4, I shout over to aisle 3: "Hey, Dianna, did you remember to get that Ex Lax? We need the Ex Lax, we ran out and I cannot seem to push this through... Do they have extra strength? God, I wish they carried Colon Blow. That'd be great. You know, I saw this movie once where this guy had Colon Blow and he had to go in a trash can....Dianna? Diannaaaaa?"
She is coming down aisle 4 now, quickly. "What in the name of all that is holy are you doing?" "Nuthin".
I go to aisle 5.
"Dianna," I shout, "do you know if you need tampons? It's like the 30th of the month." Dianna is coming down aisle 5 now. "Shut the fuck up, you rat-eyed freak". "OK, OK, don't get sore"
We are going up and down and up and down the aisles. We get to the big, refrigerated section. I am bored.
"Dianna, you may want to get another case of beer. You finished that whole one off last night. O, look, Pabst is on sale of $6.99 a case. That's your favorite. Do you want bottles or cans?". Silence. "Honey, bottles or cans? The bottles are a little more expensive and you can't recycle those, but cans are messy too. Since you put cigarettes out in them. Honey? Sweetheart?" I will pay for this, O yes. My daughter Sidney is laughing that little girl laugh that only THEY can achieve. It sounds like this: "Tee Hee. Tee Hee".
So we go home and her sister comes over. She's telling me about this American Lit class she is going to take at Carolina this semester. 19th Century American Poets. I break out Leaves of Grass and begin reciting Whitman to her.
O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead
They make me stop. I decide the best thing for me to do is go to my computer and write. I begin a short story. It is very short. It goes nowhere. I have no attention span. Here it is:
They emerged from the woods of Jonestown naked and smiling. They looked like music. They needed the sea, but the sea was far away and the tiki lamps lighting their way threw meaningless shadows against thier breasts. They were thirsty.
That's as far as I could get. I felt sleepy and dreamt of noise and static and Walt Disney World. My CHs visited me at 3.00 AM, angry. They felt slighted. Steroids, huh? We'll give you your steroids. I dance a bit, bring in the O2. They retreat, broken and tired. As am I. To dreams again of the monoliths at Easter Island.
Day 2
I take my 5th Large dose this morning with coffeee and cigarettes. I try to choke some pumpkin bread down. Milk. It tastes vile and eerie. I drive by the lake again and see the boats and the water white capping a bit. Strong weather is coming. A storm.
Day 2 to be continued tomorrow and Day 3 begun.
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brain_cramps
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #44 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 12:02pm » |
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waaaaaaaaaay too funny, brian
i can hardly wait for tomorrow's
grant
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Woobie
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #45 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 12:25pm » |
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anyone ever tell you that you should write a book or something?
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nancyc
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #46 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 12:46pm » |
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DAMN! I cant wait till tomorrow....This stuff is heavy! maybe you should stay on steriods all the time, Bri. nancyc
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TomM
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #47 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 1:39pm » |
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on Dec 31st, 2003, 11:40am, Brian_Y wrote:
O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead
Day 2 to be continued tomorrow and Day 3 begun. |
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Good stuff, Bee Why. Please continue...
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"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I'll go fishing."
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kim
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #48 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 2:15pm » |
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Howlin Hilda .........so.
How's the steroids workin?
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Brian_Y
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Re: Brian's Steroid Journal
« Reply #49 on: Dec 31st, 2003, 3:48pm » |
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on Dec 31st, 2003, 12:46pm, nancyc wrote:| DAMN! I cant wait till tomorrow....This stuff is heavy! maybe you should stay on steriods all the time, Bri. nancyc |
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Indeed.
Side Effect # Gazillion: 250 IQ.
It won't last, though. You'll see. I am curious what they'll do to me in the end. I am vibrating right now.
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