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Topic: Is it fair to get married!?! (Read 2335 times) |
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the_old_man
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #25 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 6:14am » |
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I've been married 37 years and have had CH for 27...2 cycles per year. My wife is 4' 11" and weighs 91 pounds. I have never met a stronger person in my life. She has been there for me through it all. I can't take meds, so I fight the beast bare-knuckled. She has seen the beast in his full fury and does what she can to help me beat him back. I can't imagine going through this without her. We have NEVER let the beast dictate what we can or cannot do. You live with it. You adjust. You make a life together. CH won't kill you. Living your life without love will.
The Old Man
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Lobster
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #26 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 7:36am » |
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Is it fair to get married?
Not if you are genetically predisposed to stop putting out regularly within 24 months of tricking the poor lad into muttering 'I do'. 
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Jeepgun
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #27 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 8:55am » |
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Is it fair to you to allow CH to rule your life? Fuck that. Marginalize it as much as you can. You are not this pain, and you are so much more than this condition. We all are. We either consent to being victimized, or else we seize control and live our lives and LIVE!! In any case, you will make the best decision for you, and it will be what it is. Very best wishes to you and your beau, and congratulations on finding the love of your life. You are very very fortunate.
-Frank
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TomM
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #28 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 9:12am » |
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Fairness...who can define it? Life ain't fair. Getting CH ain't fair. Losing a job ain't fair. Losing a loved one ain't fair. You can't define it so don't live your life by it.
Treat your HA's but LIVE your life!
TomM
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| « Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2004, 9:14am by TomM » |
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #29 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 9:15am » |
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You love him. He loves you.
Now what was the question???
I wouldn't let CH get in the way of marrying someone who I love.
What you should do though is make damn sure that he knows what it's all about before making a lifetime commitment. If he hasn't seen you go through it yet, he'll probably freak when he does.
BTW: Anyone here who gets married has to post pictures of the wedding and reception. Honeymoon pictures are optional but reccommended
Pat
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Hirvimaki
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #30 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 9:23am » |
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I can't think of anything else to add to all the great replies. Don't let CH rule your life or it will ruin everything for you.
I've been married 9 years and although CH sucks a$$, it does not affect the love my wife and I share.
Hirvimaki-Isi
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"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
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becky8
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #31 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 10:11am » |
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I am totally with Donna on this one!!!! Personally I don't believe in marriage AT ALL for me anyway. Doesn't work and to me its just a word! and a contract!!!  Thats just me everyone, so don't jump my bones please!!!!
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Tiannia
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #32 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 10:33am » |
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on Dec 16th, 2004, 10:11am, becky8 wrote:| I am totally with Donna on this one!!!! Personally I don't believe in marriage AT ALL for me anyway. Doesn't work and to me its just a word! and a contract!!! Thats just me everyone, so don't jump my bones please!!!! |
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hehe that is what we told my folks, when my dad asked Shaun when we where going to get married. Shaun said that we will when we decide to file a joint income tax return.  We got handfasted in the middle fo the Lake Tahoe Forrest by Spooner Lake in a groove on Summer Solstice. It was Beautiful. Had hot dogs, Wine and Beer afterwards. LEgally we had been married for 2 weeks, but even my mother does not know that. For about 5 years she kept trying to think up ways to get a copy of our marriage lisence. She finally stopped when I told her that it was none of her business if we where legally married or not. She should be happy that I was happy.
Sorry to hi-jack your thread... But the point is, that the love and support that your soul mate can give you really really helps you get through your fights with the beast because once your hit is over, you can look at all of the things that you still have that it can not take away from you.
-Tia
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marlin
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #33 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 10:45am » |
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on Dec 16th, 2004, 7:36am, Rock_Lobster wrote:Is it fair to get married?
Not if you are genetically predisposed to stop putting out regularly within 24 months of tricking the poor lad into muttering 'I do'. |
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Now roc, I can tell you IF the bouncing stops before the contract is signed it's a non-starter. No one is that stupid. After the ink dries all bets are off. Like I said earlier -- The best birth control device known to man is a Marriage Certificate. Second best, your own wedding cake. 
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becky8
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #34 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 10:49am » |
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Marlin,
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #35 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 11:33am » |
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Mark said, and I agree with him:
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But don't go by what we say. We're both jaded.
Linda
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floridian
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #36 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 1:03pm » |
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Is it fair to get married? No, only perfect people should get married. But if you are not perfect, atleast you can be perfectly honest about your concerns. Talk it over with that special someone.
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vig
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #37 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 1:06pm » |
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Whoever said life was fair?
anyway, are you a good match?
What IS the rush?
Has he seen the full 'show', not just once, but lots, so he really KNOWS what he's getting into? Some people are really good at handling this and supporting it. Some are NOT!
Find out NOW before you have to pay legal fees to straighten it out!
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BobG
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #38 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 2:00pm » |
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on Dec 15th, 2004, 9:08pm, Donna_D. wrote:Seems to me that if you have to ask these questions, there may be other doubts in your mind that this one is really THE ONE...
When in doubt...do nothing. You will never question True Love.
DD |
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Bandette74
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #39 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 5:39pm » |
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on Dec 15th, 2004, 11:27pm, thebbz wrote:| Unfair is letting the demon in any way dictate what you should or should not do. BB |
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exactly. you are just you. faults and strengths. your life is your life. live it the best way you can, fully and with minimal regret.
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down_the_tubes
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #40 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 10:58pm » |
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i am sorry but it sounds tome that you are worried about the problem with your CH. but, it also sounds to me that you made it the problem. either you trust in him and yours strength together or you don't.
been there, done that
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Mr. Happy
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #41 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 11:29pm » |
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You're from West Virginia, and you're 23. You should have a bunch of grandkids by now.
What's with the marriage crap?
RJ
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sappygirl13
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #42 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 11:52pm » |
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First of all...i just wanna say thanks to everyone for share'n!! Secondly...i just wanna make it clear that I do not allow CH's to dictate my life (although they often do run it). I'm not worried about myself here- I'm worried about putting someone so dear to me thru a pretty crappy life sometimes. I have chronic headaches...so yes he's seen them...i've had them pretty much everyday for the last 3 years. He's aware of what they do and what's goin on thru them...he's pretty much as understanding as they come. I guess all in all...i just feel guilty. I feel as if i could never measure up to bein a good wife. Smells are the main onset for my headaches...and i'm very sensitive to it. I tried to cook dinner the other night...and just the smell from the over bein on set it off. Cleaners kill me...fabric softners, ect. I hope one day i'll find meds that at least will tame it down for me....until then who knows...i wanna have a good life with him...one not tormented by pain. Thanks again all!! Tina
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Mr. Happy
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #43 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 12:10am » |
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on Dec 16th, 2004, 11:52pm, sappygirl13 wrote:| Smells are the main onset for my headaches...and i'm very sensitive to it. I tried to cook dinner the other night...and just the smell from the oven being on set it off. Cleaners kill me...fabric softeners, ect. |
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Oh My God. Don't marry anybody. For Pete's sake. My future Ex is smell sensitive. The _Last_ thing you want to do is marry a man if you're smell sensitive. Face it, men stink. We like spicy foods, garlic, and cheap booze. Bathing before sex isn't even in the top 10. Since kissing don't last, but cooking do......and the oven makes you puke......the judges ain't exactly voting in your favor.
Maybe a nice lesbian fling would help.
West Virginny, eh?
RJ
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svengali_man
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #44 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 12:17am » |
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Hello all, this is the boy the topic got started about. I have a few things to add myself...
The first thing is, I love this woman with everything that I am. That isn't anything that ever comes into question. The second is, I've been around the HAs constantly. She has the chronic form... so its nearly every day. I tell her every day that the headaches don't define her. I let her know constantly that I love her no matter what. I won't let these things beat us, our bond and love is too strong for that.
If you want to know how I feel about her, you can read my Livejournal entry on it.. www.livejournal.com/users/svengali_man
As for why this is such a big deal, you are going to have to ask her. I've made myself plain as can be on this matter. I love you sweetheart... sickness and health... you already know that. I know you don't think its fair... but isn't that for me to decide? Well, I've already made my decision. We'll make it work no matter what, I tell you that all the time.
Another thing you are going to have to get her on board with is the whole webcam honeymoon thing... Doesn't sound bad to me...
NO RUSH ON KIDS (good call whoever said that) and speaking of good calls... whoever mentioned the not putting out after being married thing... nice catch on that one too 
Lesbian fling? We'll have to have a webcam for that one too, no?
Thanks to everyone who replied!
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john_d
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #45 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 12:23am » |
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I foresee many jealous ladies of clusterheadom, nice post bro
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sappygirl13
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #46 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 12:29am » |
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he's in the military...he's trained to be clean lol
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Mr. Happy
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #47 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 1:10am » |
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Sappy......quit pissing your time away in here, and go nail this guy. For life. You could do a lot worse.
Ask my future Ex,
RJ
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Charlie
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #48 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 2:07am » |
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Not going to give Randy more fuel to add to the flame so:
Athough I have never been married, the closest I ever came was when I lived with my old squeeze for about 4 years. I got my first clusters during this time but it never was a problem. Of course she was a bit of a hypchondriac and wasn't much interested in other people's maladies. She was decent about it though.
Congrats and all my best.
Charlie
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Lobster
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Re: Is it fair to get married!?!
« Reply #49 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 8:03am » |
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on Dec 16th, 2004, 11:29pm, Mr. Happy wrote:You're from West Virginia, and you're 23. You should have a bunch of grandkids by now.
What's with the marriage crap?
RJ |
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Heh heh heh!
Thx RJ.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 17th, 2004, 8:04am by Lobster » |
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