Posted by Jack Boyd (220.127.116.11) on January 08, 2000 at 14:52:03:
In Reply to: REACHED INSANITY posted by KARI on January 08, 2000 at 07:47:55:
I endured clusters ( 6 week cycles once a year )without medication for about 15 years. No meds because by the time I realized that I had a treatable condition I was convinced that the meds were so powerful and full of side effects that they weren't worth it and I am obstinate and a bit of a purist when it comes to taking medication.
How did I cope with these attacks that individually lasted for 3 to 5 hours. I went into a survival mode. By that I mean, I knew I was in for a war for these 6 weeks and that it was me against the beast. I knew that time was my ally and that they would pass and I would be normal again. But for the time being it was all out war.
I also resigned myself to suffer. That was pretty liberating. I knew I would SUFFER. I knew that in an attack I wouldn't mind dying. Each attack was an investment in being finished with the cycle.
I also knew there wasn't a DAMN thing I could do about it. I also frequently told myself that this was my cross to bear and that there were people with worse problems.
I also babied myself during a cycle. By that I mean I was very compassionate to myself. I knew that what I was enduring would send many, many people to an emergency room or drive them to hysteria. I took some solace in the fact that I coped wihout hysteria or emergency rooms. This offends some people who have coped in other ways but I don't care.
So I would say this to you - if you have clusters and you are enduring these beasts than you are as tough as nails and even as tough as me. And I congratulate you for that.
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