Desperate for some help and understanding for pain so bad I want to die.

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Posted by Teresa Goetz ( on September 29, 2000 at 22:31:45:

Last night I had the worst cluster headache I've ever had, I would have to say a full 10 on the kip scale. It started at 12:40 and lasted until 4:00 am. Do you ever wish that every doc and family member you turn to for help would just once be struck to the ground with one of these demons, just to see how it feels? I feel so alone, and I can't get help or support from anyone. It hurt so bad I really wanted to die. I prayed for God to take me to get me out of pain. I am
afraid to go to sleep tonight. I am so exausted and so desperate for help, and there seems to be nowhere to turn. My doc told me no pain meds because they don't help, and would aggravate the headache more. I would like to give that doctor a root canal, and stab him in the eye with a hot poker at the same time, with no anesthesia, and see how he liked it. No, pain meds don't take the pain away, but they do help me cope with the pain a little bit better, and if I am lucky, knock me out so that I sleep through it. It usually takes the ergomar a few weeks to take mine away. What am I supposed to do until then? I pace the house, scream, cry, bang my head on the wall. I can't take this pain anymore! I think I am going to go insane! After 2 hours last night I even had thoughts about ways to make it go away permanently. My husband don't understand, he thinks a little headache can't be all that bad, and he thinks I am just a drama queen I guess. So he gets up this morning and hops his happy ass to work and leaves me with two kids and a 2 month old baby to take care of. I couldn't raise my head off the pillow this morning. If I have to do it again tonight I will lose my mind. I wonder if cluster headache sufferers ever do go crazy from the pain. So I am all alone, with no one who understands, and no one to talk to. My family was killed a few years ago. If my husband just realized he's all I have left in this world, and I really need him right now. Well, I guess what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, and if I make it through the next few weeks, I should be one tough broad. I'm going to go to bed, and probally lay there, and wait for the nightmare to start, and pray I'm still in one piece in the morning. I wish someone would listen and try to help. No hope there. Wish me luck.

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