Tired of fighting the Demon


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Posted by Jackie M. on August 07, 1998 at 21:20:30:

I hope that there are others out there who might be able to relate what I'm about to share. I am a 45 yr. old married mother of two who has suffered from chronic cluster headaches for twenty-four years. I remember the first attack very well; it was on the evening of my twenty-first birthday. I remember crushing my head down into the mattress so I could scream, and felt sure that I was dying of some horrific brain trauma. That evening began the nighmare and years of traveling to clinics, being shamed by ER nurses irritated by a woman who'd use the ER to treat a "headache", looking into the dissaproving eyes of friends and family, and spending countless hours in my basement late at night to walk circles and hyperventilate through the pain. During all these years I've tried countless meds and therapies, to no avail. A few years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and now it becomes increasingly more difficult to pace through the agony, so I must sit at a table and muffles my cries into the pillow. I've just gone through another round, and I honestly don't think I can do this anymore. Yet my family keeps wanting me to try new things. How do I tell them that as excrutiating as the pain is, I can not fight the fight anymore. I am so tired. I do not have the stregnth to fight anymore. Can anyone understand this?
Thank you for your support.
Jackie M.


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