Can't take anymore

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Posted by August ( on December 19, 2000 at 18:41:58:

I told myself I wasn't goin g to post while I"m getting hit so hard with 10's right now. I do n't have anything positive to contribute right now. I've been missing people. I'm sorry, but I need to reach out, or vent or something. I"m to the point I can't think straight anymore. I've been locked in these 10's for too long. They haven't ended from last month.

I went to my nieces Christmas play. She was Mary. I've been helping her remember her lines. She was looking forward for so long that i'd be there. She was nervous to begin with, I was supposed to be there so she could look into the crowd and see me, so she wouldn't be scared. I wasn't there for her. I had to leave and hide in the bathroom. The pain spiked to a level that made me pass out. The whole thing made a huge scene. I missed almost the whole play. It was so completely humiliating. Feel like such a shit for doing this to her. We got home and she hasn't talked to me since. How many times can you say your sorry before the people you love don't hear it anymore? I think i've reached the limit on sorry's. It doesn't affect just me, but everyone around me. My nephew asked me if this Christmas could we not say the word headache. He just wants that one day of us being free of it. I want to give that to him. Actually I just want to disapear and not have anything with this stupid freaking head touch anyone in my life anymore! I want to disapear and not hurt anyone anymore.

I feel the nerve starting tear behind my left eye. I'm going to be locked into it again for the next three hours. All I can do is shake, and pray to my 02 tank to help me. It never does for these. It never stops, Ican't take another on e. I can't do it.

Ok, I'm done. Here's where you tell me to get over myself.

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